A Little Understanding

Strength

The seconds ticked by like hours and Layla's anxiety was so almost overwhelming that she struggled to stay calm. If it wasn't for her husband at her side she would be an absolute wreck. She closed her eyes as she took deep breaths, Jeff whispering softly to her as he stroked her hair and held her hand.

"You're okay Layla Sweetheart, I got you" he told her reassuringly. "We'll be okay Baby" he whispered sweetly, fearing the worst.

She opened her eyes and turned to look at him, his beautiful hazel eyes glistening with unshed tears. He was just as worried and scared as she was, but he was trying his best to hold it together for her. Reaching up she stroked his scruffy cheek.

"I love you" she whispered.

"I love you too Sweetheart".

"Mr and Mrs Morgan..." the doctor spoke up, getting their attention as she wiped the ultrasound gel from Layla's belly and pulled her shirt back down.

They both turned to look at her, their hearts in their throats as they waited for her to speak.

"I'm so very sorry. There's no heart beat. You've lost your wee baby" she told them sadly, hating to be the one to deliver the bad news.

Layla choked out a sob as she buried her face in Jeff's chest. He held her tight as he rubbed her back softly, his own tears falling freely from his eyes.

"I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'll give you a moment and be back to check on you soon" the doctor said as she got up to leave the room.

"Jeff..." Layla cried as sobs wracked her body.

"Just breathe Sweetheart. Deep breaths okay" Jeff whispered through his own silent cries.

"I'm ss-so sorry" she whimpered.

"Hey... hey" he said as he pulled back and held her face between his hands. "You have nothing to be sorry for Beautiful. These things... they just happen. I know it sucks and it's shitty and it hurts like hell... but this is not your fault. This is no one's fault okay. It just... it just wasn't meant to be" he said as tears fell from his eyes. "But that doesn't mean it won't ever happen. When we are ready we can try again" Jeff reassured her.

"Why does it hurt so much?" She asked.

"Do you want me to get the doctor back?"

"No... I mean in my heart" she cried.

"Because whether we got to hold our baby in our arms or not, that was still our child. You grew it and nurtured it, and we both loved it. It's gonna hurt Sweetheart, but you are strong, and together we are even stronger. We will work through this side by side" Jeff said.

"I love you Jeff. Come cuddle with  me... please?"

"Of course Layla" he smiled as he climbed onto the bed with her and nestled her into his chest. "I love you too Sweetheart. More than anything".

They stayed like that for the next twenty minutes until the doctor returned.

"Once again, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know that won't help how you are feeling right now. I like to look at it as God needed another angel up there" She smiled sweetly. "How are you physically? In any pain?"

"It kinda feels like a really bad period" Layla said. "Like someone is trying to pull my uterus out".

"I'll prescribe you something for the pain, and when you are ready you are allowed to leave. But take as long as you like here" she said as she wrote out a prescription and handed it to Jeff. She continued to explain what they should expect to happen over the next few days, and that if they were at all worried to come back in.

"What do you wanna do Sweetheart? Do you want to stay here a while?"

"I just want to be at home".

"Okay Baby. Let's take you home" he said as he helped her down off the bed.

"All the very best" the doctor smiled as she walked them out and pointed them in the direction of the pharmacy. "Remember don't hesitate to come back if you feel something isn't right".

"Will do. Thank you Doctor" Jeff smiled weakly.

"Thank you" Layla whispered as she grasped the doctor's hand and gave it a squeeze. She can't imagine how hard it must be for her to give news like that to expecting parents. She certainly didn't envy her in that moment.

They picked up the pain medication from the pharmacy and headed home. Layla had a long hot shower when they arrived, and then curled up in the sofa in a pair of sweatpants and one of Jeffrey's t-shirts. She loved having the smell of him surrounding her.

"You okay Sweetheart? Can I get you anything?"

"Just a cuddle" she smiled as she opened her arms and beckoned him. She lay on the sofa in Jeff's arms, listening to the beat of his heart within his chest.

"Are you okay?" She asked as she ran her fingers up and down his arm.

"I'm okay Sweetheart. It hurts... but I'm more worried about you" he whispered.

"I know I'm the one physically going through this, but mentally and emotionally we are in this together. It's okay for you to not be okay" she told him.

"I know Sweetheart" he sighed as tears welled up in his eyes.

"You don't have to just be strong for me, I can be strong for you. We can be strong for eachother" Layla whispered.

"I was so excited about this baby" Jeff said with a sob.

"I know Baby... me too. We can take some time, grieve our unborn child and then we can talk about trying again".

"I really just wanna hug you and Benji tight right now and never let go" he smiled.

"He finishes school in a couple hours. We can go pick him up together" Layla smiled.

"Rest a while Sweetheart. I'll keep an eye on the time" Jeff told her as he held her tight against his chest.

This chapter was so fucking hard to write and I had myself in tears!
Hope you all liked it despite its sadness.
I've battled with my brain over the last few days on which way to take this and I settled on this outcome because I feel it's important not to hide away from things like this. They are a lot more common than we think and chances are either ourselves or someone we know has suffered a miscarriage and has an angel baby.
Love to all you Mumma's and Dad's out there!
DV xx.