Those first few days were absolute hell. I never left my bed unless it was to take a shower and that took some effort. I didn't eat much at all except for a banana or an apple here and there.
When we broke up I was never this bad. Not the first or the second time he cheated on me but this time was different I guess. One being we aren't stupid 15 year olds and two I left this time and told him it was all a mistake.
I wish I could wake up and not remember anything from the last few months. Not Sam not California not anything that's happened since I got in the plane three months ago. Who am I kidding those were the best three months of my life not including when we broke up the second time. No matter how much I try and convince myself that i hate him and i hate the way he makes me feel and how I hate everything that happened, i can't believe myself because I don't hate everything that's happened because so many good things have happened.
My phone was being blown up 24/7 the first day by Claire wondering where I was because I guess Kian told her I left. She came back a few days after I left and it was nice to have her around.
Some the first week all i would go out and party and get drunk but the thing is no matter how drunk I got myself Sam was still in the back of my head.
Claire hated how much i would go and get shit faced drunk but I don't know why I do it I just want to.
God I hate him for making me feel this way. Who the fuck am I fooling I don't hate Sam I could never hate Sam and I hate that.
Sams POV
These last few days or week have been shit. The tour finished but I wasn't as energetic as I tried to be and the fans seemed to notice and the fact that she wasn't here anymore and they put two and two together.
I was back in Sam Clemente and I've done nothing all I do is lay around and regret it. I regret more than anything I really do love her I just cant seem to do anything right in that relationship.
Kian keeps trying to get me to do something but I won't I don't have the energy and I don't want to everything constantly reminds me of her.
The only time I've left my bed is to take a shower and ive hardly eaten anything.
I wish I could hate her for having this much of an effect on me but I can't. No matter how much I try I can't hate her.
The fans have noticed how much of a toll she's had on me since she left and some keep trying to say it'll be okay and some just plain hate me for it. I think some have found out that I cheated on her because of the picture even though I said we just needed some time apart.
My o2l videos have been shit. I really have been trying to make them as good as possible but they don't turn out good and I always look depressed or tired or my eyes are bloodshot and I've been getting more dislikes then usual and that's a lot.
"Sam you need to do something it's been almost four weeks." Kian said ripping the covers off of me as I groaned and flipped him off.
"You don't understand kian." I said.
"Yes I do I've had bad breakups but you put this on yourself by cheating on her and thinking she won't find out." He said.
"I know it was stupid of me but she said it was a mistake Kian. These past few months with her have been amazing and I do love her she doesn't get that I do love her and she just leaves it's not fair." I said rolling over so I could see his face.
"Sam it's not fair that you get to cheat on her and she doesn't get to leave you. If you cheat on her she will leave maybe for a few weeks or maybe forever but you caused this and if you want her back as bad as you say you do then you need to get your ass out of bed and do something about it." He said. He's right nothing will happen if I don't do anything about it. I'm the one who caused it so I need to fix it.
