How I Heal

six

I couldn't stop thinking about what happened between Harry and I under that tree.

The moment lay on my mind for a minimum of three nights and each time it managed to replay, something told me that I needed to apologize.

I knew what I did was completely out of character but that didn't make his plea right. Harry was just plain mean and I never understood why he felt like he needed to be such a pessimist.

Although his outlook on life really bothered me, I still had to consider his point of view. I may not have understood why he always seemed to come off as incredibly dominant in his speech (that was when he didn't speak in his usual monotone) but there may have been some kind of bigger picture that I wasn't seeing and the last thing I wanted to do was set him off.

When I arrived at school, I was almost late for class and as I slipped into my seat I could see Harry looking dead ahead, not even bothered or disturbed by the fact that somebody had entered the classroom.

I had never seen somebody quite so lifeless, he either always had the angriest look on his face or the most unbothered stare, and I felt there was some kind of underlying meaning to why he always chased people away.

I only had two classes which he sat in and both sessions he always sat to the front.

He never seemed like one for frontal appearance but I figured it was just due to the fact that he was always late and that was the only seat available by time he arrived.

I stole glances at him the entire session, praying that he would turn around for even a moment so I could mouth that I needed to talk to him,
but I knew Harry and I knew better so any chance of that happening was just wishful thinking.

The session swept by, me missing half the notes and him not even bothering to take any, and the moment we were dismissed I rushed over to his seat before he got up to leave.

"Listen," I quietly began, the regret already rushing into my lungs with each passing breath. "I really need to say something to you."

He looked down at his desk, clicking his ring on the metal part lightly, before saying, "so talk."

I doubt two words could have sounded colder than they did in that very moment and I thought of how quickly I would freeze to death under his venom had we been outside in this weather.

"I um," I stuttered. Where did my speech suddenly disappear to? " I wanted to apologize for the way I acted yesterday, it was way out of li-"

"Stop," he halted me, grabbing his bag. "I don't care that much."

He walked out of the classroom leaving me hovering over his desk, and I wondered for the third time, how many conversations we'd have before I would be the first one to walk away.

________

"Wow," Henrietta huffed as I explained what happened at lunch. "I don't know Violet, your boyfriend sounds like a total asshole."