My Depression thoughts

Dear best friend

We meet and we didn't think nothing of it
But as time past we grew closer, or at least that's what I thought.
Come to think of it, I don't even know what your favorite color is best friends are supposed to know that at the drop of a hat but I don't. I don't know a lot about you and I know you don't know a lot but I wish you did. Me and you can't have a serious conversation without our friendship being on the line, I try but you always change the subject to something random and I have had enough. You don't talk to me anymore, you only text me when you probably don't have other people to text. I'v convinced myself that it wasn't true to keep you around longer because the truth is your my only best friend and I was scared of being left alone because I know myself, but I'm not perfect either. I know I don't text you but my anxiety gets the best of me and I'm trying to work on it but it's hard. I tried so hard to keep you around and to make sure you were ok but I let myself get hurt in the process and go on. I really wanted us to work out but I want people in my life that I can trust. I'm tired of always being there for you and never having the courage to tell you about my problems. I'v already had someone walk out of my life that was special to me but I didn't realize that I had two people walk out till now and I can't handle going through it again but it looks like I have to. I don't care if you want to still be friends that only say hi in person or you don't want to talk to me at all but here's the thing you make me mentally tired all the time and I'm just done so block me on everything or just keep doing what your doing and don't talk to me but just know I wanted this to work but it just didn't.

I feel like me and my best friend are in a bad place and this is how they made me feel