Who Will Fix Me Now? » fransykes

A Beautiful Lie

We sat in silence, the seconds dragged so heavily, what felt like hours was only a minute. We sat in silence, it wasn't awkward, just sympathetic, can you have sympathetic silence, a silence where you pay respect to someone. We sat in silence, what was I meant to say you him? He's revealed to me something no one else knows, it seems. How am I meant to react? Yet again I found myself not knowing what to do with myself. So, we sat in silence. 

"You can ask me, you know?"

"What?" I asked confused.

"You want to know about the room, about why it's covered in post-it notes? You want to know how I met Abi in the midst of all this madness? You want to know why I'm with her?" I rubbed the back of my neck embarrassed that he could read my thoughts so easily.

He let out a little air from his nose and a sickly smile appeared on his face. "Everything the man ever said to me, echoed in my mind, it gave me major headaches, to the point where I was on the floor clutching my head. So I found if I wrote it down and display it somewhere, my mind wouldn't be so loud at remembering it, because it would be in front of me at all times"

I looked around at the endless amount of post-it notes, threatening to fall off it's place on the wall or ceiling.

"Abigail, she's a model. And someone in here used to be a male model and well they were going to do a joint shoot together but he ended up in here. The shoot was too important to wait to get someone else, so they had to come here to do it. That's how I met her. I was fifteen. I've been with her for about six months."

"Oh" I mentally beat myself up. Oh. That's all I could say. My head started a war over it. And I'm sure I was looking pretty stupid on the outside to.

I then felt Josh crawl over to me from his place on the bed. He was breathing deeply against my neck, to the point where I felt it lips occasionally touch my ear as he shook slightly. "You know Oliver" He said slowly. I closed my eyes trying to keep control of myself. I tried to block out that Josh was there, that he was so close to me. "All this time" He carried on. His hand ran along my cheek and then down my chest, getting further down my body. He can't do this again. Please. He does this then he fucks off and treats me like shit. He can't do it again. "You've been in just your underwear" He said pulling away from my ear and sending me a seductive wink.

He hooked his legs around my waist and sat on my knees. He got himself as close as possible as he could in this position. "Abigail, she means nothing to me".

Thinking of how many times I wanted this, how many times I craved this, how many times I imagined myself dominating him, tearing off his clothes. I couldn't. I couldn't let him use me like this. Yes, he was using me. He was toying with me, I don't know what for, to get a reaction, to embarrass me. But I wasn't giving in that easily.

I roughly, maybe too roughly, pushed him off of me. His body bounced on the bed and he looked like he was in complete and utter shock.

"I know what you're doing Josh!" My voice was completely clear, and that surprised me at flustered I was. "Well, no I don't know what you're doing. But I do" What no, that doesn't make sense, I said I was flustered. So my voice isn't clear anymore. But Josh still looks shocked. "Just don't be an arse, what do want from me? What do you need?" Josh now looked confused he sat on the edge of the bed.

I turned around to the door and ran my fingers through my light ebony hair. "Stop taking advantage of me, because I know you are" As I said these words a tear threatened to fall. I so desperately wanted it to be untrue but good things never happen to me, and I could tell in his  eyes he didn't want to touch me like he did.

"Oliver, I don't want anything but you" He said gasping and rushing his words.

I rolled my eyes at the obvious lie.

"Goodnight Josh!" I called over the sound of the alarm telling us it's curfew. I didn't look back. I walked out of his room and into mine. As I closed my door, I saw him standing in his doorway. Emotionless. Staring into the abyss. He'd slipped away again, just like he had the day in the cell.

My back slid down the closed door. My head in my hands. I gripped at my hair, causing slight pain. I then furiously brought my head back onto the door. The inside of my head stung at the force of the hit. But I repeatedly hit my head, causing more pain, each time getting harder, faster and more painful.

The back of my head had become warm. My vision was blurry and I was dizzy as shit. I rubbed my eyes, child-like. Even the slight movement of my hands made my head hurt more. I felt the back of my head to find my thick, red blood pouring out. But there was nothing  could do, I wouldn't be able to get up or shout for help, I felt too weak. I crawled the best I could to the corner next to the door, so I'd have more support. My eyes felt heavier by the second. And no matter I hard I fought, I lost. The pain had taken over, and my body needed rest. If I was ever going to wake up, I don't know, but I didn't care about dying, I didn't care about the lose of blood.

 ___________________________________________________________________

Title: A Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds To Mars

Right do you know how I said on some other chapters that that was the worst chapter, I was wrong, this is shit, this is the worst chapter, and probably will be in the whole book. Sorry, I've been busy with school, and it's stressing me out and everytime I came to relax and write, because this actually relaxes me now, I either had to go to sleep or I had writers block.

Also I apologize about the shittyness of how Josh and Abigail met, I messed up alot and it's too late to change it now, but then I had a new idea but I forgot it so...now it's shit, so also sorry about that.

On a totally unrelated note, it's my birthday! I'm 15 today...yay! Even though most of you don't care XD

Song on the side...