Living Dolls

30Carmen

FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!? WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WAS GOING ON!? FUCK!

I run away from the open slit of the mostly closet door, but my face is burning and thoughts running so much in my head that I can barely control my body, eventually leaving me tripping on my own two feet and, not seeing any point of fighting it, I start screaming into the floor of this table, hands over the back of my head.

At the very least, Julien was screaming, too. "Wa - Wait, wait, wait-!" Before he was surely interrupted by another stream of unwanted kisses.

"Wait, wait, WAIT!" Heide was her energetic self again. Looking up, I found Ernest was trying to drag her inside, hands holding on tight to her torso, but she was holding on even tighter to the railing, practically being lifted off her feet. "What is she-!? I thought only Tiffany-!"

"SHUT UUPPP!" I screamed again, clenching my teeth tight. Fuck! First his stupid disgusting story yesterday and now this!? Why did God hate me so much!?

"INSIDE!" Irene grabs my sleeve tight, struggling to force me up. "Inside and-!"

How the hell would that help? Was I still supposed to sleep after this!? Like hell I would! "It'd be better for me to grab that knife and just DIE, thank you!"

All the while, there were still noises outside, the sounds of Julien struggling and occasional blurted out, panicked words. Why this struggle sounded different than the kissing one and what they were so barely speaking about, I didn't know, but all because I lifted my head just for the sake of yelling at Irene, my focus was turned back on the noise, and even, God help me, my gaze back towards the open slit of the closet door.

Seemed the girl finally actually stopped for longer than two seconds, because there's no other noise besides her voice, coupled with Julien's panicked breath, "Why not?" Against my better judgment, I got up and stumbled back, nearly tripping due to my still fried nerves. Irene's hand was still following me on my sleeve and Kyle was screaming into his hands by the porch, and Ernest, though having stopped dragging Heide to listen, was still holding his arms around her torso to keep her from running down here. "Is it your first-?"

Oh God, I think I'm gonna puke a little.

"N-No, it's not, I-!"

I puked a little.

My heart honestly couldn't take this, I was in the middle of walking to the open part of the door to look but I fucking fell to the floor again, screaming yet again. Kyle started coughing wildly, Irene let go of me and made a choking noise, and Ernest actually screamed out, "It's NOT!?" And judging from the tripping noises on the stairs, he must have dropped Heide, too, and with how much she was trying to run away from him, she must have tumbled down the steps.

I give just a quick look up through my hands and see, with the girl still on him, Julien grabbing her wrists to keep her away, face red and eyes wide, shaking his head quickly, "My girlfriend - I have a girlfriend! So-"

After all this screaming I was doing, I'd be surprised if my voice didn't give out by the end of this. I screamed and screamed until my throat was dry, until my heart was giving out.

I hated him. I hated him, I hated him, I hated him, I hated him, I hated him, I hated him-

"... Who?"

And I hated whoever this girl was for making this happen!

"I..." Julien chokes, hesitating, "A f-friend from - you remember, right? Tiffany, she came to our school right before you... Uh... Before you-"

"That wasn't our deal."

"W-Wha-?"

She shot closer to him, but he still had her wrists in hand, sitting up and forcing her away from him. "Wait, wait, wait!" He blubbers out in a panic, and my nerves are already too burnt out to react to Heide plopping right down to kneel next to me. "Wai..." His face suddenly changes, the color drained from his face, and still pushing the girl away from him with a tight grip on her wrists, he moved his head to the side.

Looking right towards us.

Heide lets out a shriek, scrambling away just as soon as she sat. And honestly, half of me would have shrieked in fear and ran away, too, but I wanted him to know just how much he was making us suffer.

It seemed to hit him then, too. Whether he knew we were right out here or not, we're here, and it's his fault in every sense of the damn word. Right after his hard look, his face turns even redder than it was before, an even redder shade than when he was being fondled and kissed.

"GET OFF!" He actually screams it now, and more than that, he shoves her completely off of him and off the bed. I flinch back, wincing when the girl falls too far back and hits the floor flat on her back, but she quickly props herself to sit up with her hands, not reacting any further than that from what I can tell. "Just - God, STOP!" He yells again, even though the girl is still on the floor. He's crawling back in his bed, and I wish I didn't notice this, but he buttons his pants. I must have missed that part whilst I was screaming, and I wished I missed this too. "No no no no no..." His anxious mantra comes out in hushed stammers, face still red as he moves further away.

With her back still facing the closet, I still can't see her face, and I wish I could, because she's suddenly quiet after everything she just did. I'm at least thankful that I can stand to watch and listen for longer than half a second without screaming, and I'm sure the others felt so too given their own silence.

Unless I think about it again. In which case I was so angry I could have choked Heide out just because she's the closest thing next to me.

"... That's it, huh?" The girl is looking up towards him, and hands covering his red face, Julien snaps his narrow gaze to her. "I'm the only one who held onto my end of the deal?"

"Deal?" Julien looks offended, eyes narrowing more and more on her, "There's no way in hell I would have made a deal like this when we were twelve, you goddamn-"

"That's not what I mean. That's not what I mean and you know it." She choked out, and Julien looked away then. "I've kept my end this entire time and you-"


"How about not making things up and warping what I said to suit your wish, yeah?"

She's quiet.

His voice is vacant after a pause, "I've kept my end. I said we'd meet, and we did today." She just started to speak again before he cut her off, "I never said when."

What in God's name...?

What were they talking about?

If I heard her correctly, Heide said this girl's name was Ester. Not that I knew all of Julien's friends, but he shared a lot of them with Tiffany, and I never heard of her. Where did Julien come back from, why was she with him? I thought he was somewhere off with his Dad.

Whoever the girl was, she was quiet for a moment, but I saw her hands beginning to tremble. "I... I just thought..."

"I didn't lie. What I said is still true, you're just... Being crazy about it. Like what the hell was that about? God." He sneered.

"But, I-!" She choked out suddenly, voice raising for just a second before she stopped upon Julien's hardening gaze on her. She's quiet for a long moment. "I... I'm sorry, I... I thought... I thought..." She kept stammering, shaking her head, before crying out again loudly, "This entire time, I-!"

"Quiet!" He glared at her with a finger to his lips, that formed into a crazed grin just a second after, "People are sleeping!"

She spurts out a laugh, and I wished I could see her face to gather what kind of nature the laugh was coming from, because I honestly couldn't tell. "No one is sleeping, no one is here, you're all alone." She chuckled, and Julien's face fell. She quickly got up to her feet, though staggering. "I know a lot has changed, but I know that hasn't."

Julien's quiet for a minute, but I could see the rage building up in his eyes. "... Really? This made you snap? After all the fun we had today?"

"I'm... Not..." She's still laughing, "I just... Feel silly..."

"You should."

She ignores him, "This entire time... Why did I...?"

Julien watches as she continues to shake her head and laugh under her breath, and his gaze hardens, "God, what the hell..." He sighs, turning around and getting off his bed the other way. "Just go in another room, like hell I'd want you to sleep here-"

"I should have known I'm not that important to you."

He turns around to look at her, eyes narrowed, "Huh?" She doesn't answer right away, and he glares even more. His gaze just keeps growing more and more ruthless, and if looks could kill... "Are you really serious right now? You're not important to me unless-" He makes a choking noise, "Really!? That makes no sense-!"

"I get that I wasn't ever around, but... This entire time, you knew what I was doing for you." She seemed to actually address him now instead of simply talking to herself, tone hardening. "You knew what you did, and how I never..."

"Don't!" He stormed around his bed to her, finger pointing at her.

"I could have told people about what you showed me, what you told me, but I didn't, because I believed in you and cared about you. If I... If I did tell people, things could have been different, I could have been living better, anything would have been better, but I didn't, for you-"

"How are you gonna put that on me? That wasn't your only option! You could have done literally anything, it's not my fault you didn't!"

He reached her, and she stumbled back from him, clenching her fists, "You weren't there!" She cried, "What else was I supposed to do? Without you, I..."

Julien actually flinches back, stammering for a second. "I... W-Wha..." He clenches his teeth then, yelling out, "Are you serious? You could have done anything! So what if I wasn't there?"

"And even now! You're the one who promised me." She said, hands lowering and sounding desperate. "That I was yours and-"

Julien confirms her name that Heide spoke of, growling it out, "Ester-!"

"You're supposed to belong to me, too!"

I can almost hear the sharp breath Julien makes, as his body tenses up and his eyes narrow.

"Aren't you supposed to belong to me? If I belong to you, and I knew everything that I could have used to control you, you're supposed to be mine! I do what you want me to and you do what I want you to! But, you're here telling me this entire day, this entire time, you're someone else's-?"

"I'm NOT...!" He storms closer to her with his eyes on fire, and she steps back some more as he corners her. "I'm not anyone's, and I'm not yours!"


Julien was never a mad person, that's what my dumb past, oblivious self would have said. Of course, I've learned that's far from the case. He's temperamental, he has a short fuse, but he's so moody as well, so there's just no winning. Still, I thought only these people, only we, got to see it, because of the size he turned us into.

But here this girl is, the size of a normal young girl, but his eyes are still screaming with rage.

More so than they were when I tried to stab him yesterday.

Ester throws her hands towards him, and I'm expecting her to shove him away, but she just grabs tight onto his collar and hangs her head, pressing it against his chest, and shouting loudly, "YOU ARE!" Her voice almost cracks, "And you're especially supposed to be MINE!" She keeps pulling him closer to her, possibly for comfort, I don't know, but I do know she's not gonna get that.

Because Julien is absolutely fuming.

"Like how I belong to you, and how you belong to your Dad, and how Hei-!"

The punch that's delivered straight to her face sends a silent shock right through me, it fills my entire being with stunned, dizzying silence. It seems forever until Ester hits the floor, but even then, there's still a sense of silence, not even everyone else behind me so much as breathesafter the faintest and quickest of gasps, if any at all.

Ester falls right back, not bothering to so much as gasp from being punched right in the eye. Her face should be visible to us, at least from the side, but she's covering where she got hit with her hands. Other than that, she barely moves, barely even breathes.

Julien, however, is breathing erratically. Fist still clenched, he only clenches it harder, looking down with barred teeth. "Dammit, you..." He growls under his breath first, before shouting down at her, eyes still in flames, "YOU'RE SO UNGRATEFUL!"

She still doesn't move, but there's a quivering breath that escapes her lips.

Even as Julien turns around and storms towards his desk, she doesn't move.

"You don't even deserve this - not anymore..." At his desk and still fuming with rage, he reaches down in between his desk and the wall. "You... You want to be mine so bad?"

No.

He slams a familiar looking suitcase on his desk.

"You have to earn it."