Living Dolls

18Irene

"You're... You're gonna have to get in my hand on your own."

That's a first.

I was already told almost two hours ago when Heide returned, that Julien wanted to speak to me, too, and I had been mentally preparing myself. Well, not really. Just the constant thinking:

Pretend, pretend, pretend.

Honestly, it wasn't working. I couldn't just pretend when lives are on the line, one right on mine. I wanted nothing more than to slap this teenage boy silly.

But maybe, just maybe, this would help.

Fearful, I trembled as I grabbed tight onto the sleeve of my white sweater, staring at the gargantuan hand that was presenting itself, palm up.

The same hand that nearly crushed Ernest and Kyle.

Shivering, I looked up at the boy.

When Ernest came back downstairs after talking to Heide, he said that Jules went off to clean himself up again, but he still looked pretty disheveled. Eyes puffy from all the constant crying he's been doing, hair a little scruffy. Really, it seemed any "cleaning up" he did was changing from the clothes he wore yesterday.

He was sort of frowning, more of a pout as he waited for me to come up to him first. I know he was giving me the chance to make the move first, but it still upset me that it would still have to happen.

"Please." He mumbled, shivering, "I don't want to... Um..." His eyes shifted, "I-I mean, you're still mine and I still w-want to hold you, but..." As if I was hurt by that. "It's just, you're, um... You're more delicate, and - no, I don't m-mean..."

What about when you were trying to push me around? What about when you dropped me down? I wanted to ask aloud, but I had the strength to just swallow it down.

He said he wants the baby happier than ever. I kept trying to remember what Ernest told me before I was continually called out here. So, he shouldn't be trying to hurt them for now.

For now.

As I scowled up at the boy, my knees started to shake more, "Why can't you just talk to me here like you did with Ernest?" I probably shouldn't have questioned him like that, but he didn't seem to mind it.

"Because I have some stuff I wanna show you over there, and Ernest was, um, really really hurt. I didn't want to hurt him anymore, but with you, I can be more careful... You're not hurt, you're just..." His eyes widened for a second, and he gulped, "You're not hurt... Are you?"

"No, and I don't wanna be, either."

May have crossed a little line, and for a second, my heart stops, with Julien's scowl, but it fades away instantly as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

"I need to be more clear..." He breathes out, "I will just grab you if you're not gonna get on yourself. I'm just trying to make it comfortable for you, but if you don't want the option, then fine."

What a little shit. I have to take a deep breath myself before I set my jaw firmly, coming closer to his hand, to which he sets his fingers back against the table, together, for me to walk on. I'm wobbling on my feet as I take steps over his flesh, and right as I get off from the space of his fingers, they lift up slightly, making me slump back against them, but not exactly fall to sit. I just try to keep my footing as his other hand comes up in front of me, those fingers forming a sort of barrier.

Again, I wobble when he stands up from his chair, but I can easily tell he's moving much slower than he usually does, as I remember being dangled upside down in his hands as he stormed in the hall just a couple of days ago.

I don't want to grab onto one of his curling fingers for support, so I just try my damn hardest to stay on my feet, slumped up against his fingers. I can't see out much thanks to this barrier he created, but I can only guess he's going up to his bed from the huge tilt and the loud creaking, and that's what gets me falling right down, and my hands scramble in a panic for a second at his fingers.

The creaking noises of his mattress keep going on but lower in volume, and I could feel myself getting set down. His hand that holds me tilts to the side, and I'm still trying to grab at his flesh in fear of a high fall, but when he moves his other hand, I simply slide right down onto his covers.

Behind and high above me, Julien is still stirring to sit in a comfortable position, and from the crevice under his weight, there's a lowering slide. I go right down with a yelp before I'm against his crossed ankle, and I blink rapidly, before looking up. His laptop. How badly I want to run up there and try contacting someone, so bad that it physically hurts me, but I know it'd only take a second for him to pull me back, and he'd suddenly be more dangerous and angry. That only makes it hurt me more, honestly, my heart feels like it's burning.

There are six tabs, and the one opened is full of text. I have to drift my eyes around to find the title of the page, Maternity Necessities.

I flinch as Julien hovers above me, apparently finding his position, legs crossed and arms over his knees. "I already ordered for Kyle's new wheelchair to come by the end of the day." He lifts his arm, finger over the pointing device. "And since you're already five months along, I just... Shit. We just have to start. Half of these things don't make sense. I mean..." He chokes, "Tennis balls?" Though I had the same confusion, I just held my breath, and above me, Julien went quiet, and his finger stopped moving over the sensor. "... You don't get it, either? Do you get any of this stuff?"

"N-No." I admitted, trying not to bite my lip. "I just - what? How am I supposed to know?" Any personal information I got was from my brother's wife before my niece Joslin was born four years ago, that's it.

"Didn't you study this stuff?"

"Not th-that much!" Was he seriously forgetting that he snatched me away before I could get my degree?

"... So... You're telling me..." Stop talking so quiet like that! "That you know nothing about pregnancy and childbirth?"

"I do know! Not all, I can't say that, but I know some stuff!" I was already starting to panic, as I wrapped my arms around myself. "I j-just..."

"But..." I can feel his eyes boring down at me, and his finger still didn't move. "You clearly don't know enough."

I remained quiet.

"... What a damn mess." He muttered, and I closed my eyes. "Whatever. I'll figure start figuring it out, but for now, I got to accommodate for the maternity stuff first, to make you comfortable and all." He sighed, and I heard and felt the creaks of him leaning forward, and the typing. Still nervous, I started opening my eyes. He was on an online shopping site, going back and forth from the list to search up the items. "This is gonna be so stressful. Let's see... I can get some maternity clothes for you myself tomorrow, I could go out. Hm, so that's why you've been wearing the baggiest clothes... I could buy the other stuff on here today, it might be harder trying to find it at the store..."

He was pretty silent as he searched for and added some stuff to the cart. A body pillow, massaging hot water bottle, a humidifier... He was just quiet, and it unnerved the hell out of me.

Suddenly though, as he went on looking for more lists, he mumbled, "You're already five months along. Second trimester, right? You should have been using a lot of this stuff already. I mean, you've been nauseous, your balance has been crap, all that. Should have bought this stuff a lot earlier. I mean, only if you told me..."

I bit my lip, "And how would I have told you?"

He didn't answer my question, "You should have told me. It would have made things safer. I mean, if I didn't find out yesterday, I would have made you get hurt a lot during the games we were gonna play. You're reckless."

I didn't say anything because I knew his reaction would be explosive either way. I bit my tongue, shutting my eyes as I tried to stay quiet.

There was repeated typing again, but very little clicking. When I opened my eyes, I was mildly shocked when I saw books after books. Julien must have noticed my stare, because he elaborated, "You and Ernest... Hell, even Kyle, even Carmen, even Heide, even me, we have to really learn. Not just about the process, but about the kid growing up. I'm not picking old ones, they're, well, old and crappy, but I also have to be careful of ones that are too new." He scoffed as he scrolled down the page, pausing at every book or two. "Ernest has to read these especially, even if he can't really read. He's sort of dumb. Have you thought of a name yet?"

I hated it. I hated it so much, him talking so nonchalantly. "No."

"You and Ernest are gonna have to decide. It's gonna be harder since we won't know their gender until they're born. I don't know how my Mom did that, just thinking of doing the same kills me." After adding six books into the cart, he went ahead and typed for books on names. "Huh, what about... Jules?"

I couldn't help it, I gagged.

"Aw, come on." He was snickering just a bit, "Even if it's a girl! I was named after a girl, after all! Though, I don't think they called her Jules, think they called her Anna..."

I covered my eyes and shook my head.

"Kidding, kidding, I'm kidding." He laughed softly, adding more books to the cart. "It's up to you guys. Plus, that'll get confusing. I get sort of happy when you guys call me by my nickname." I'll keep a mental note not to call you that then.

He kept going back and forth to adding stuff to the cart, from the books on pregnancy and parenting, maternity necessities, and even adding in some maternity shoes and clothes from the recommendations even though he said he'd save that for later. Soon though, the recommendations were filled with maternity and pregnancy items, and he'd always take a look, never speaking a word to me, and it unnerved me.

The items in his cart added up to 32. "Isn't your Dad gonna catch wind of all this buying you're doing?"

"I'm using the money I saved up. You guys are draining it all. If Ewald does see it, all he'll see is shopping and look away. It's when it was just taken out, then he'll look into it."

"But, if he doesn't look away and sees all this pregnancy and baby stuff..." In all honesty, it's just a hope of mine. For someone to just catch wind of this.

"Doesn't matter."

I hope not.

"Really, though. I might have to ask him for more of an allowance with how much this stuff is gonna add up to. And, the stuff for the baby..." He paused, before letting out a heavy sigh, and I felt it heading down at me. "I... Normally just get miniatures of stuff if it's not a big deal. And when I go to the store, it's all in one go, so he won't really feel the need to look into every item. The cashier can't judge me, right? Well, silently, but I don't mind. But, with this..." Another sigh, "I might have to get everything at a normal size and revert it."

"Normal stuff?"

"Baby clothes, blankets, cribs, toys, food, diapers, bottles, and just... Miniatures don't take into account if it'll be nice for an actual baby, they're more tender and sensitive and..." He paused suddenly, hands freezing again.

I flinched when he moved his right hand away from the laptop, and when it came rushing towards me, I squeezed back with a cry, but shut my mouth in panic completely when his extended finger went over my stomach.

"Look." He whispered, and I shook my head rapidly, already beginning to sweat in fear. "This baby... Pft, they'll be smaller than my finger tip, that's crazy."

"St-Stop..." I choked out from my clenched teeth, raising my hands to try pushing his finger away, but to no avail. It was no longer just hovering over my stomach, but instead touching it. It wasn't being pressed at, but he could easily choose to do so.

"I don't need to threaten you like I had to with Ernest, do I?" Right hand's finger on my stomach, his other hand turned into a fist, positioning itself between the laptop and I. He kept hunching lower and lower, face upside down and already unkempt hair dangling. It was getting darker and darker as he covered the rest of the light, and I closed my eyes, trembling. "I don't think so. You've only ever been nice to me, and to Heide, too..."

Only ever been nice.

I've always wondered. If I hadn't talked any further to Julien that day, would this still have happened? I had to during the tour, to all the kids, that was my job. But when he came over to see me by the fountain? Should I have turned him away and lead him back to his friends?

No idea, and no way to change it.

"You remember, right?" He chuckled, "When, even after the tour, I came up to talk to you. I didn't even have to do much to get your attention, to get all that consideration, all that guidance, all that reassurance, all that love. I knew you were perfect, right then and there."

"I'm... I'm not..."

Another snicker, "Even if you say you act nicer than you are, that was all genuine, wasn't it? I know it was." It was true. He was a kid, what could I say? "And even here, now, with the others, you still are, I see it. You know when to tell Ernest and Heide to knock it off when they're being annoying, but at the end of the day, you're only doing what you can to keep them happy and safe, right?"

His finger was still on my stomach, and it was absolutely killing me, "Julien-"

"Yeah. That's what's best. Better than only talking crap, better than smiling and lying, and definitely better than just sitting around. So, I don't think I'll have to kill you, I don't think you'll make that kid miserable. Still, you have to keep all that in mind in case you turn too much like Ernest, hell, you could also make sure he doesn't turn stupid... Either way, I'm going to trust you. I can, can't I?"

This was absolutely tearing me up, I was desperate to get his finger off my stomach, "Y-Yes!"

"Good." And just like that, finally, finally he moved his hand away from me. I slumped back against his ankle with heavy breaths, my shaky hand going over my stomach as he moved back, the light coming back around me. As I kept breathing in and out with my closed eyes, I heard him scrolling on his laptop again, "I have to admit, though... I'm jealous."

My eyes opened.

"I'm jealous. Mom only ever cares about me in specific settings, like only sometimes I'm her kid. You treat everyone like they're a kid, like they're your kid, especially me and Heide. That's why I love you so much, that's why you're perfect, that's why you're like a Mom to me..." He cleared his throat, "So... This kid of yours, they're lucky. Real lucky."

A notification popped up on the bottom right of the page, but my eyes were still too teary to see what it read.

"Hm? Oh, Kyle's wheelchair shipped already! That was fast. I better get to it before someone else does." He already forgot about letting me get on his hand myself, because his left hand comes over, fingers slipping under me, and I bite my lip as he slowly lifts me up, right hand curling behind me so I won't fall back.

I will admit that he's being gentler and moving slower than he usually does, but still, I don't appreciate this. The bed creaks as he clumsily slips off his bed and stumbles off the higher level floor, and yeah, he's definitely moving a lot slower.

"Could you tell Kyle? I'll be back in a bit with his stuff, and I wanna talk to him, too. Agh, he's gonna be so mad at me..." Which he has every right to be. "I'll get some more stuff, and I'll be going out tomorrow to get stuff from stores, too! And then we can talk some more and..." Just a couple of steps away from his open closet, he stops suddenly. When I look up, I see him squinting to his closed door, and I'm just beginning to wonder what it is, until I hear it, too.

Tapping footsteps, that are rapidly making it to the door.

He's not slow anymore, as he moves me over on the table, gently but quickly setting me off on my feet. I'm just starting to gain my balance, and he's just starting to close the closet door when his own front door opens.

The tapping of the footsteps earlier gave me an idea of who it was, and I almost didn't believe it. They seemed to stop at the open door as Julien finished closing the closet door, leaving the usual open crack, but much smaller than normal, and went to sit on his bed.

Again, I almost didn't believe it, until I heard her voice, "What're you doing?"

I hurried over to look through the opening. Julien sat at his bed, clicking away at his laptop, surely in a rush to check the items out and close the pages, "Just picking my new class." It was weird. Here his mom was, checking on him, and he didn't look up, and he was frowning.

"Oh, yeah. Alan told me that the school didn't want you in that study period this long. I think the deadline is today. What did you pick?"

"Child Development."

So he decided.

Things were silent as Julien typed, and it took awhile for Miruna to start walking further into the room, but still stopped by the end of his bed. From there, I could get some sort of view on her. Standing with most of her weight on her left, she grabs onto that arm, frowning down at her son who's doing everything he can to just pay attention to the laptop screen.

"... What's wrong?" She asked, and he stopped typing.

He just stared at the screen, and when he spoke, his voice came out rough, "I hate him."

"You know, what he said, it's..." He looked up at her, but was still wearing that frown. Carmen told Kyle and I what she overhead with Julien and Ewald last night, so I could only guess that's what they were referring to. It made me shiver. "It's, uh..." She looked around, wetting her lips. It took awhile for her to put on a nervous smile, her arms falling back to her sides, "How about we go out next weekend? We can-"

"That's what you always say." He looked back at the screen, "Plus, it won't make me hate him any less."

"I'm not offering because I want you to like him. I'm offering because you're my son."

"But I'm not his."

She was quiet again, looking down with her eyebrows drawing together. She closed her eyes with her heavy sigh, and then she came over to the other side of his bed, sitting down, and Julien just hung his head, closing his eyes. "It's just that... I... He... The thing is..." She kept stammering, her words dying off, never completing a thought. "Julien, it's okay, he really doesn't mean-" When her son looked at her, she stopped instantly.

Lying wasn't a thing of hers.

"You... You just need to sit back, okay? You have to just sit back and do what he wants, okay?" She said, voice soft, but that didn't seem to soothe Julien one bit. He was grimacing and clenching his fist. "So, then none of this will happen again. Last night was just..."

"Sit back?" He turned right over to her, "Do what he wants? I've always been doing that, I-I-I..." He started to stammer in a panic, "I go to school, I go to the classes he wants, I come home early, I-I-I..."

"I know, I know." She grimaced, looking to the side, "But, you have to do more. And I know, I know! It's not fair, but you have to do more and-"

"But what for?" His voice was starting to shake in hurt. "You just said yourself, it's not fair. I mean, I'm not a real Anzo, and I n-never even askedto be-!" His voice was starting to go higher in volume, but he stopped himself instantly, face falling.

Just as her son's, Miruna's face began to fall, and then her eyes narrowed, face going red. And just like that, she sat up, and with a shout I never thought capable from her, asked, "WHAT? WHAT?" She shouted, moving back and standing up. Julien was quick to notice whatever mistake he made, standing on the other side and stammering out in panic. "You never asked to what?!" She fumed, going around his bed to shout right at his face, to which he kept looking down and shaking his head. "Tell me! What didn't you ask for?!"

"I-I don't know!" He grabbed fistfuls of his hair, shaking his head with glistening eyes, "I don't know, STOP!"

"You have a family, Julien!" Her voice was starting to shake, and she clenched her fists, looking away, "You're a-acting like we don't even exist-!"

Face red, he looked at her, crying out, "Because you guys don't take c-care of me! You! You act like I don't even exist! You don't look at me or listen to me or-!"

He was only shouting in clear desperation, but she only lashed out in his face with more anger, "We're your family!" She yelled, and shook her head, shivering, "Me, your uncles, your cousins, your grandparents, even Alan!" She cried out with that earlier desperation her son had. Julien stared at her in confused, hurt shock, and as she went on, his eyes started to narrow, fists clenching at his sides tighter. "We all love you, more than anything, you're everything to us, you-!"

He exploded, throwing his arms out, "What about my Dad!?"

Things fell silent.

Red, tearing up, and panting, Julien stared at his mom, awaiting an answer. But the woman in front of him only stared with a furrowed brow, and after the long string of silence, closed her eyes, grimacing. She started to turn herself around, "I don't know."

"Yeah." Julien frowned, "Exactly. He doesn't even know I exist."

She stopped, looking back at him with a scowl, "We do."

Things just kept getting worse. "What? What are you even talking about?" He clenched his teeth, shaking his head, "Especially you, you're my Mom, but you never help me or defend me or-!"

"JULIEN!" She shouted, voice cracking.

"You always just sit back and let him say whatever he wants to me! You never check up on me, you never answer my calls, you n-never - it's like I'm just an accessory to you!" He chokes out, "You only care about me when you're being interviewed, when we're with your family, it's l-like I'm not your son either!"

"J-Julien! No, please, baby, w-wait, please-" She stammered quickly as her son ranted with breathless anxiety. She hurried to him as he kept going on, and helped him sit down to catch his breath, but he kept on and on.

"I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I'm bad, I'm useless, I'm nothing, I'm-!"

"Julien, sweetheart, listen to me, please." She grabbed his shaking shoulders, trying to smile, but it seemed hard when he was shaking and talking like crazy. She had to rush her voice and keep it loud, just as his, "I'm your mother, you're my baby boy, y-you're perfect and I love you and-"

He kept shaking his head with a crazed smile, "A-And I never a-asked for any of this! I ruined your l-life and I never a-asked to be born and it's not f-fair and-!"

"WHAT!?" Just like that, the both of them snap out of it. I flinch, stepping back a bit from the opening. Miruna stands straight back up, stepping away from her son, whose eyes go wide, trailing up to her. Tears on his face, he just blinks, as if he hadn't said such things. Miruna seethes, tearing up and shaking her head, "Julien, you're...!"

She takes a deep breath, as her child keeps blinking up at her.

"... You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Julien!" She chokes out, voice strained and shaking. Julien's face falls more, and she takes another breath, frowning and staring down at him. She holds out her arms, snickering sadly, "I'm sorry if I haven't given it my all to show you. Holy crap..." With a stomp to her step, she turned right around and stormed out of his room, slamming his door on the way out.

Julien sat there, silent, for another good minute, blank, teary eyes going nowhere. It took forever for him move back in his bed, lying back and just staring blankly at the ceiling, and then, he closed his eyes, breathing heavily.

My Mom loved me and my brother Jerome. She did. She really did. We were her kids, after all, her pride and joy, best things that ever happened to her. She was old fashioned, though, sort of left us to our own devices, when it came to education, and, well, becoming adults, no longer her little babies. It was hard then, it was, not having that usual guidance, but Jerome and I, we supported each other. I cheered him on when he went off to try his best, and he helped me out when I went out, too. It hurt without her support, but since we had each other, we didn't mind, we still loved her and knew she loved us.

So I thought, maybe if Julien had a sibling to fight this through with, it'd be easier for him and his mom...

No.

I sighed sadly, stepping away from the opening.

This happens over time, doesn't it?

Not talking to him. Not going to his school events. Not cheering him on. Not guiding him. Not helping him out. Not defending him. Not acknowledging him...

You could love them all you want, but if they don't see it...

I hated it. I hated it so much. It tore me up.

And so, with tears on my face, I swore...

I will make sure. I will make sure they are loved, that they'll know it. I will be there for everything. I will be there. I will do whatever I can, to be better each day, to help them out, to love them, and to show it all in every single way. I will not miss anything, and they sure as hell won't either.

My kid will be the happiest kid in the world.

I swear.

---

When I cleaned myself up from all those tears and returned inside the house, there was an odd sight. Everyone was in their places, yeah. Ernest on the couch, Kyle and Carmen on the other, Heide probably still upstairs. What was odd was that Ernest was sort of leaning forward, as were Kyle and Carmen, and those two were whispering rapidly before they noticed my entry.

Ernest noticed by their reactions, turning around curiously and suddenly jumping, going red. I got closer, just beginning to ask what was up before he struggled to stand up with his crutch.

"Huh? Ernest, what're you doing?" I hurried over to him in the living room, but he still got up to stand. Carmen got up off the couch and walked behind him, leaning against the wall. "Sit back down! See, you're already straining yourself!"

Back hunched, he frowned up at me, "Huh? All I'm doing is standing-!"

Kyle hissed, "Ernest!"

He looked at him, "Huh?"

And behind him, Carmen did something that made me lose my breath for a second, she extended her leg out and kicked Ernest right in the back. He coughed, falling to his knees, and I cried out, "W-What the-? Carmen! Don't hurt him, he's still-!"

"W-Will-!?" Ernest choked out, looking up at me in a panic. He grabbed my hands, and confused and worried, I just tried to keep him balanced, as he was trying to stay on one knee, but clearly had no intention of getting up. "I-Irene, w-will...!?"

I cringed, still trying to keep his balance by holding his hands back, "W-What?"

"Will you marry me!?"

Huh.

I looked back and forth at Carmen and Kyle, both looking anxious with their clenched hands near their chests and the shaking. When I looked back down at Ernest, the man was so red and flustered, it was honestly sort of cute.

With the brightest smile I could muster, I answered, "No!"

They fell silent, their faces falling.

"Wha..." Kyle sat up, narrow eyed.

"Irene!" Carmen gasped.

Ernest just groaned, trying to stand back up, and with his hands already holding mine, I helped him, "G-God, I told you guys! Just making me look stupid."

I snickered as he stood, bringing up his crutch, "What's with that?"

Carmen jumped back and forth, red faced, "I-It's just, I mean, you two had a secret relationship going on, r-right? A-And now you have a baby, so when we g-get out of here, well, it's..."

Kyle stammered, "We j-just thought that's what was gonna h-happen! You guys have a k-kid, a-and..."

These two. "I, I mean, we, well, um..." I bit my lip, before looking back at the embarrassed Ernest, "Can we talk?"

He went redder, "Th-They're the ones who told me it was rude not to-!"

I repeated my question, "Can we talk?"

Frowning, he looked me up and down, before sighing and readjusting his crutch. Kyle and Carmen were still groaning to each other as I led Ernest out to the porch. I closed the door behind him, holding it while trying to gather my thoughts.

"... What do you think?" I asked, turning around to face him. Pouting, he was looking over to the side. "I mean, was there a side of you that really wanted to ask?"

"... Not gonna lie. Yeah, I did. I mean, we've been like this for awhile and now it's more serious, so..." He mumbled, and I snickered.

"You know, just because we have a kid, doesn't mean we'll have to get married." I tilted my head with a smirk, and at his confused look, I elaborated, "There's something called co-parenting. We'll both parent, but we don't have to be husband and wife."

"I... I mean..." He looked down, eyes narrowing, "That's not the only reason why... I mean, that was sort of the final reason why, but..." He looked at me, trembling, "I mean... We've been like this, and... Even if it's only when we're alone together, I just thought, I don't know..."

"... Do you like me?"

He looked down again, going red, "I... I do. I love you." My heart fluttered. "I never once thought I could feel this way about anyone, want to commit to someone, and I... You help me, you're smart, you're sweet, you're everything I'm not a-and... I've been feeling so weird with you for the past four years, and it's gotten so crazy in the past two, and I don't think I can deny it anymore. I love you, and..."

"... You're not the only one, then." I mumbled, and his eyes lit up. Flushing, I hugged myself, "I've felt the same. Never had I thought I could meet someone who I can be honest with, honest, and they'll still see it as true and me. You've been my best friend here, and you still will be, forever, and that's why it's so weird, because I do see you more than that and..."

He kept staring, waiting for me to go on, and I had to take deep breaths to get there.

"And we can try it, here. We don't have to keep it so secret, anymore. I'll still love you this way even when we get out of here, but, marriage... You know what? We'll have to wait." I came up closer to him, and brushed my fingers through his hair, "We haven't even tried having us being public here. And even when we do, and we make it out... We don't know if we can still be like that in normal society, all the work and people and craziness out there."

He closed his eyes, and I extended my other hand, both of them over his bruised up and red cheeks.

"We'll still love each other, and we'll have this proof of our love... We can't decide on that right now. We still have a lot to do, to test out. We have to make sure we'll work out here, and out there, first."

"... Even still..." He whispered.

"We love each other, and we have the proof."

"... Good... Good..." He opened his eyes, smiling at me, and it tore me up, I couldn't help but grin. "That's it, then. We will get out of here, and we will test ourselves."

I laughed, tears pricking at my eyes as I came closer to him, "That's right."

"And when we will, when we work everything out, I swear to God, I'll go even further, for us to be an official family."

The tears slipped from my eyes as I chuckled, "Yeah. That's right."

Holding his cheek and stroking his hair, I moved closer. As I kissed him, I never felt so sure, confident, and loved for me, and I just imagined everything. Everything of a life out of here, with the full confidence that it was more than a dream.

"That's right." In between the kisses, we snickered, and Ernest's just made me feel fuzzier. "So, you're gonna have to be out there with yourself, too. Can you try that?"

I always thought that peace was all that was needed, hell, all that others wanted from me. But now that I had every intention to get out, and this adoring person who knew I was better than all that, right with me, I decided something else.

"I can." I swore, "You'll work with me, I'll work with you."

There was no peace without war.