In the Loving Arms of Servitude

33. I'm Sorry

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The dozing sky is almost pitch-black. And the stars are barely peeking through its weakened eyelids. How exhausted the poor sky must be; having to watch all of man's sordid affairs for millennia unending. What fate could be more burdensome? Although, unlike the washed out sky, Yusuf and Uju seem to be getting quite vibrant, as their discussion intensifies. It almost seems as though they have forgotten their sorrows; almost. In truth, Uju never realized how interesting it would be to listen to Yusuf's tales. And he has got quite a lot of them too. He told her about how he was born in Kaduna into a Muslim family, but spent most of his life in Ogbomoso, Oyo State where he worked as a cobbler for many years, until he eventually migrated to Lagos inside a trailer of cattle in search of greener pastures. However, it turned out that Lagos was not the land of magical opportunities and prospects he had expected. Hence, he started to work as a gatekeeper to make ends meet.

While they both keep talking, Amara walks out to meet them. And immediately she arrives, they both freeze like statues; petrified at the horror of what she might do to them; Yusuf especially, for leaving her gate wide open at night. If there is anything Amara hates; it is carelessness with security. Houses have been robbed several times in the neighborhood. In truth, the police have been doing quite a good job in this neighborhood. But during heavily armed robberies, they always have this tendency to arrive after the robbers are already on their merry way. And on certain occasions, some of the vigilantes around have been known to decide to rob today and protect tomorrow. One can never be too sure with them. "So if we don't protect ourselves, who will?", Amara usually nags. Hence now, Yusuf knows that he is in big trouble. But to his utter amazement, Amara does not even complain at all. She simply requests that Uju come back inside and then walks back in herself, while they both keep staring in bewilderment. Afterwards, Uju slowly stands up with her bag in hand and feebly walks inside.

Upon entering the living room, she sees aunty Amara sitting uprightly on the sofa and staring into space. It is quite frightening. "Sit down." Amara whispers ominously to her, at which point she gloomily takes a seat on the sofa opposite her. Her ghana-must-go bag is still in her arms. Then Amara sighs deeply and begins very calmly, "Uju... Did Femi really rape you?"
On hearing this, Uju initially gives her a 'were-you-deaf-before?' look, but later sighs and replies soberly, looking to the ground, "Yes, he did."
Then she looks up at Amara again and continues, with tears already rolling down her cheeks, although her voice is still as clear as ever, "After I woke up to catch him masturbating on my bed... #SNIFFS... he jumped on me, covered my mouth with his palm... #SNIFFS... and then he raped me."
Uju wipes her face again and goes on, "..#SNIFFS... And because of what he did to me that day... my fever got worse. And... I could not even stand up straight!"
Then she bursts into bitter tears again. Likewise, slow streams of tears begin to run down Amara's cheeks. She just cannot believe what Femi did to Uju. She cannot believe the sort of horror she may have put Uju through. Then she continues the horrible story, "...#SNIFFS... I could not eat. I could not sleep! I... I could not think straight! #SNIFFS... I was in pain. And not just physical pain... but emotional pain. #SIGHS... I tried to tell you. I... #SNIFFS... I tried to let it out. But... I just... Oh God! #SNIFFS..." Before she finishes her story, Amara quickly comes over to hug her tightly, while crying profusely in deep remorse. She just cannot seem to fathom how Femi could do such a thing; how such a wonderful man could become a terrible beast overnight. Was she truly that horrible a wife? It is heartbreaking really. And what is worse is that; Amara feels like it is all her fault. She feels that if only she had been true to herself earlier on and broken up with Femi or not married him in the first place, perhaps all this suffering would have been avoided. And maybe the immense catastrophe that will definitely follow could have also been avoided. But what on earth was Amara to do? Not try to save her crumbling marriage? Or not have even gotten married at all? She is a quintessential traditional Nigerian woman for heaven sakes! Becoming an unmarried crone would have brought nothing but disgrace to her family and immense mockery from everyone else. She would have been a laughing stock; a pariah, both in society and even in the church. People already mocked her parents for their poverty. The last thing she was going to do was bring such untold shame upon them, by never 'settling down' as well. And when she actually found a man that she was remotely interested in, should she have let him slip away without exploring the possibility? Back then, Femi was her Knight in shining armour. He was everything she would have ever wanted in a man. And there was something about him; something that made him simply different from other men. She felt as though she had known him her entire life. She was definitely in love with him. And even now, she still is. Maybe in another life, they would have been happy. But for some reason, fate seems to have willed that it never be so in this life.

While Amara cradles Uju in her arms, she keeps weeping and then replies, as she sobs, "I am so sorry, Uju. I'm... I'm just so sorry... #SNIFFS... I promise. I promise you! #SNIFFS... Femi will answer for what he has done... #SNIFFS... even if it's the last thing I do!"
Afterwards, they both continue crying bitterly.

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From the front porch two mornings after, depressed Amara stands and watches in utter sorrow, as the Police lead Femi away in handcuffs while he weeps in deep regret. Knowing that Femi would arrive in the morning today, she had notified the police the day before and they arrived earlier this morning, before Femi got home. Then after he drove in and parked his car, he was greeted by some detectives and armed police men, who then read him his rights.

Femi neither argues nor resists arrest. As a matter of fact, he barely even utters a word. He just follows them willingly. Right now, he seems to be weeping not only because of his sad fate, but out of deep remorse for what he did to Uju. He is profoundly disappointed in himself for letting his primal desires ruin his life so terribly.
Femi weeps for his son as well; his dear Tobi. Heaven knows how shattered Tobi would feel, when he eventually finds out what his father did! Femi can not bear to face him with this guilt. He would rather go to jail for his heinous crime. And he believes that it would probably be best that Tobi never sees him again, because he would simply be crushed if Tobi were to ever see him like this; if Tobi ever had to look him in the eye, knowing how much of a disgraceful man he was. Femi also weeps for what he did to his wife; his dear wife, Amara. And after entering into the police vehicle, he stares at her one last time, with his reddened eyes screaming out so many things, letting out so many apologies and expressing so many regrets. But if only it would make any difference now!

Amara's eyes as well are drenched in blood-red tears while she stares at him from the porch.
'Femi, why?'
'Femi, how could you do this?'
'Femi, I love you!'
'Femi, I am so sorry for pushing you away.'
'I am so sorry for lying to you; for lying to myself!'
'Femi, If I could turn back the hands of time...' she keeps screaming within the depths of her heart, hoping that somehow, he might hear and that somehow, he would know.
In this final moment, as they stare deep into each other's souls, they both remember the undying love they once shared. And more than anything, they long painfully to embrace each other, at least, one last time, before finally parting ways forever. But in the most agonizing way, they come to realize the sad truth; that life does not always allow such luxuries.

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