McCann Is Back

Chapter 22

*Jason's P.O.V.*

I couldn't feel any part of my body. If my arm would move the only thing that I would feel is pain. Pain and painless at the same time. It was like millions and millions of needles poking all over my body. Right then and there I wanted to die cause I don't think I could bare the pain but then I thought back to what Kelsey told me not long ago.

Kelsey:"We have a little son......"

Alex....

I still can't believe it. I had a son and I didn't even know about it? Why didn't she tell me earlier? We were good and she said she loved me. So what stopped her from telling me that we have a son?!

I'm not THAT angry with her. Of course she didn't tell me. I was busy being in fucking prison! Instead of being there for Kelsey and my son.....

I missed two years of his life. I missed his first words, his first time walking, I missed out of feeding him when he cried, I missed out changing his diaper while his mother would make dinner for us, I missed out of rocking him in my arms until he fell asleep when he would wake up in the middle of the night. I missed out so much in just 2 years. And it's all my fault.

I turned my head carefully and looked at Kelsey as she drove down the road the guys in front leading the way. She wanted me to be with her in the same car cause she was scared over me. Typical Kelsey. But I actually find that cute. It shows how much she cares for me.

But still. Her cuteness can't blind me from what she hid from me. I still can't believe it! I have a son! It's like it's a miracle and curse at the same time. It's like I hate the idea of having a child but also love it.

Not like I hate my child I didn't even meet (not that I would hate him even if I meet him) but I hate the idea of getting him into trouble. I'm Jason McCan for Godsake! And if anyone finds out I have a child.....I don't even want to think about it.

But I also love it. I love it because it's a blessing to see a human being that you helped with to come alive run around with it's little feet a big smile on their face. It's just a heart melting mommemt for a man (especially if the man is me) to have his first child with the love of his life that he never thought he would ever have.

Me:"Alex Jones McCan...." I said his name out loud smiling.

Kelsey:"You like it?" She asked hope in her voice. I looked over at her.

Me:"I love it....it's just.....why didn't you tell me this earlier? Why did you keep it away from me?" I asked hissing when I felt the pain in my chest from talking. She sighed.

Kelsey:"I'm sorry Jason. I really am. I just.....I was scared. I thought you weren't ready for this and you were going to leave me. I thought that you would be more mad at me and push me out of your life. I-" she cut herself of taking in a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds to keep to tears in. I frowned and slowly lifted my hand and took hers from the steering wheel giving it a gentle kiss.

Me:"Kelsey you know that I would never....and I mean NEVER do that. I would never leave you all on your own just like that. Especially if I knew that you had my child. I could never. I love you so damn much words can't even describe it. And I already love Alex even though I never met him. He's my blood. Just knowing that makes me love him to death." I chuckled horsly because my chest still hurt. My whole body hurt to be honest. But I didn't care at the moment.

Kelsey:"I know that I was just.......I don't know." She sighed.

Me:"You know what? It doesn't matter anymore. It's the past. Lets just forget about it yeah?" I talked slowly hoping the pain would smooth.