You're 12 the first time you have your heart broken,
And you realize that this is it,
This is what everyone warned you about when they were speaking of young love,
When they told you that you didn't know what love was
and you hate to know that they're so right,
So you punch walls
You scream and cry into pillows
And after all of the anger melts away..
You expect sadness but instead you feel nothing
You feel numb and promise to never love a stupid boy again
You're 14 now and you've kept this promise to yourself
But this time...it's not a boy
She's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen and you can't help but think it's so wrong
You figure you're just as messed up as you thought you were and you're so confused
You think to yourself that this is the reason it didn't work with the boy
But then she starts telling you that you have to come out to the entire world
And this idea terrifies you to the core
So you break up with her and cry into your pillow again just as before
You say that you'll wait until you find someone who is patient and wants nothing more than to respect your wishes
You cry into your pillow every night for a month
Not being able to tell your family because you're too ashamed
You're almost 17 now and you're being called a slut in the halls by the same boy
Who whispers he loves you after he's done fucking you
And you start to believe him
You start to believe that all those years
of searching for love in all the wrong places
Those things make you unworthy of happiness, of anyone better than him
You're programmed to believe that the more people you sleep with, the less love you will deserve
Until one day your best friend makes you realize
Realize how much of an asshole he is
Realize how much of this you don't deserve
Realize how much more you're worth
Realize his abuse for what it really is once and for all
You're 18 now when he walks into your life
He's the spectrum of color that turns all of the black and white into something beautiful
He is your everything as opposed to the nothing you thought you deserved and slowly..
You become so addicted
And you feel like you need a constant fix
All of a sudden he makes you feel like every reason you were so terrified to repeat the word love again
Was so ridiculous
Or maybe he's just such a beautiful soul that you don't know what's rational and what's not anymore
All you know is that you're in love with everything about him
From the way he says your name to his smile to the way he speaks to you at anytime
All of the hurt you had stored inside evaporates under his touch
A touch are so strong and sure that you trust him to carry you through it
And you throw caution to the wind..along with all of your irrational reasons
Not even for you..but for him..all of this is for him
And that's okay because love makes you a little bit crazy sometimes
YOU ARE READING
consumed
Poetry|3rd place poetry in The Butterfly Awards 2019 🦋| There are times in life where you become consumed by thoughts of many things. Instead of letting them overtake you, express them.
