The Switch / Shourtney

Chapter Twenty-Three: Not Fair

April 24th, 2018

I was still a little bit jetlagged as I walked through the large glass doors of the Smosh office building. Japan was absolutely amazing. Walking through its busy streets for the last time, I desperately did not want to leave. However, life wasn't that easy. I had a job to get back to, and two days later, there I was.

I said hello to a few of my co-workers who offered me welcome backs and asked about my trip. I smiled, and laughed and told them it was great, but I made it short. I just wanted to get to the squad office. When I got to the door way, they were all in there, sitting around Olivia's desk. She looked up and saw me first.

"Shayne!"

Olivia got up from her desk and made her way towards me, pulling me into a quick hug.

"I actually missed you!"

"Gee, thanks Olivia" I chuckled, hugging her back.

Over her head I saw Noah, Keith, and Courtney making their way over to me as well. Keith patted me on the back.

"Welcome back Shanye, it's been quieter without you."

"Good to have you back man." Noah added with a grin.

As Olivia pulled away, I could properly see Courtney standing behind her. She looked happy to see me, if not a little flushed, and gave me a quick hug as well. I hugged her back a little stiffly. I could feel a bit of tension in the air and I pulled back from her quickly and smiled at my friends.

"Glad to be back," I replied.

"So how was Japan?"

"It was amazing." I said, "Honestly the coolest place I've ever visited."

"I'm actually so jealous that you went." Keith groaned. "You'll have to fill us in on everything you did when we come back from filming."

"Oh," I said, a little startled as Noah, Keith, and Olivia started shuffling towards the doorway. "What are you guys filming?"

"Keith, Noah, and I are helping out with a Game Bang. We'll probably be back in an hour ish." Olivia said.

"Oh, ok," I said nervously, shooting a look towards Courtney who was conveniently looking away from me. I wondered if it was on purpose.

"See you guys later," Keith called to us over his shoulder.

The others followed him out of the room, closing the door behind them and leaving me and Courtney alone. I let the silence hang in the air for a moment before asking.

"So are you still with him?" After a week of radio silence, I didn't really have it in me to be subtle.

She looked down at her feet, "Ya, we talked and we're going to give it another go."

My heart sunk in my chest and I answered her response with silence. I should have expected as much. I mean why else would she have not contacted me the whole time I was away in Japan.

"I'm sorry Shayne, for kissing you, I just made things more complicated."

I sighed, but she continued.

"It's my fault, I was being emotional about mine and Wahlid's problems, I shouldn't have dragged you into it. It was unfair of me. I'm sorry, let's just forget about it happening."

I looked at her face, she was giving me a sort of guilty half smile. I could tell she expected me to agree with her, or make a joke about the situation, and everything would go back to normal. Just Courtney and Shayne, uncomplicated and consistent. But I couldn't do that.

"But see, that's not fair," I said steadily. "Because you must know how I feel about you."

She just stared at me blankly, and my frustration with the situation rose, leaking into my voice.

"I like you Courtney Miller. Maybe more than like you. This is killing me, not being with you! I know there are so many reasons why we shouldn't, Wahlid being a huge one. But then you kiss me, and now you're acting like it was just on you?! You think you can make this better by just apologizing and pretending it didn't happen? Well, news flash Court, I can't make these feelings just go away."

She looked incredibly flustered and a bit frustrated and she stuttered through her words as she asked me;

"How can you- How are you just telling me this now!?"

She looked so startled and torn at what I had said, as if she never expected me to say it out loud. She must have expected this conversation to go differently, for me to have made it easier on her. Her wide, green eyes held mine earnestly, as if they were searching for something, and I stared back at her for a moment before striding forward and crashing my lips against hers.

I don't know what I was thinking. It was as if my brain shut off and I all I knew is that I had to show her how I was feeling. It was all too much; the emotions I felt flooding through my veins. It was as if a metaphorical pot was finally boiling over and there was nothing I could do to stop myself from making the move.

I felt her kiss me back for a second before she pulled away roughly, her eyes wide. She backed away from me unsteadily.

"Shayne, Shayne I can't."

I sighed, "Right, of course you can't."

She bit her lip, looking like she may cry and I felt terrible. That look on her face was my fault. But before I could say anything else, she was whispering "I'm so sorry," as she quickly turned around and left the room.

And I was left standing in the squad office alone.

A/N: This was an EMOTIONAL one guys. Some chapters are harder to write, but this one just fell onto the page. These few chapters were what I've been building up to since the beginning of the story and as much as it pained me to write them, (I actually got chills writing this one) I'm also happy with the way they turned out. I just had to throw in a little adversity for Shayne and Courtney before they get their happily ever after.but I promise they will get there lol

 Let me know what you think 😊

Once again thank you all so much for your votes and comments. As you have probably realized by now, I love reading them and replying to you all. It sort of feels like my personal little smoshy community and I've gotta thank you all for being a part of it!

All the love and hugs,

Kat