desire ~ lrh

8

luke was showering when there was a knock at the door sunday morning. i assumed it was the room service he ordered and went to answer it, only wearing his t-shirt and my underwear and bra. i ran my fingers through my hair and opened the door.

"oh, hi." i blurted, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck as michael clifford stared at me angrily.

"where's luke?" he asked pointedly.

"he's taking a shower."

michael swore and then said, "tell him we left without him and to get his ass to the studio."

i nodded as he spun on his heel and stalked away. i shut the door and decided to actually get dressed since luke would obviously be leaving. he came out with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in his hand which he was using to dry his hair.

"where're you going?" he asked me.

"i'm going home. michael came and said he and the others were leaving without you and to get your ass to the studio immediately." i responded.

luke rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath that i couldn't hear. i ignored it and went to the door with my bag, turning back to see him getting dressed. while he wasn't looking at me, i took the time to imagine what life could be like if we had a different relationship. one beyond slightly-friends-when-we-aren't-bickering-with-benefits. one where we actually only for each other and wanted to be with one another beyond sexual reasons. one where he wanted to take me out and protect me and hold me and watch movies with me. but that wasn't luke and that wasn't us. my mind drifted back to ethan and i found myself missing him.

"i'll see you next weekend, i guess." i told him.

"see you." he said easily, not looking at me. i sighed and opened the door, leaving quickly.

by the time i got to where i lived, it was still early so i decided to drop into a pizzeria a few buildings down from me. my uncle actually owned it and i liked to pop in every once in a while to see him and his wife.

"hi, uncle tony." i called when i walked through the doors.

"natalie, my favorite niece!" he exclaimed happily.

"you're only niece." i corrected with a smile.

"that makes you the favorite." he winked at me with big rosy cheeks. he continued flipping pizza dough and asked, "so what brings you around?"

"i just wanted to check in. how're jenny and louis doing?" i questioned, hopping onto the counter.

"jenny's good. she's crying every day over the fact that louis is turning four soon." uncle tony said to me with a laugh.

"aw, he's getting so old." i cooed, remembering my little cousin who i absolutely adored.

uncle tony nodded and placed the dough down. he bent to start chopping ingredients and inquired, "how's school going? you still have good grades?"

"school's good. struggling, but i'm keeping my grades." i shrugged, mindlessly swinging my legs.

he nodded in acknowledgment and pressed, "any new boys? or is ethan back in the picture?"

ethan and luke flashed through my mind.

"no, no new boys." i responded nonchalantly.

my uncle gave me a sad smile and said, "you'll meet a boy one day. don't worry about being single. you're just waiting for someone who deserves you. you are smart, beautiful, fun and adventurous. one day, a guy will meet you and won't be able to take his eyes off you. until then, focus on yourself and you'll be fine."

"thanks, uncle tony. that means a lot to me." i told him genuinely. i hopped down from the counter to give him a hug. i missed being around my family. i tended to stay away from both sides since the divorce. uncle tony was from my dad's side.

"you wanna stay for dinner? jenny would love to see you." he offered, but i shook my head.

"i'd love to, but i should get going. i've got homework." i said apologetically. i said a final goodbye before walking to the door. i pushed it open and stepped one foot into the slush and slipped onto my butt.

"oh my god, are you okay?" a familiar voice panicked.

"ouch." i winced as they pulled me up. i brushed the snow off my clothes and smiled, "hey, ethan."

"hey, natalie. are you okay? you took a pretty hard fall." he offered me a kind look.

"yeah, i'm fine. just clumsy." i joked.

"i remember." he told me. an awkward silence fell between us for a moment before he said, "i haven't talked to you in forever. how are you? how's your mom?"

"i'm good, she's good. it's still kinda rough at home because everything still feels weird, but we're getting through it one day at a time." i explained, putting my hands in my pockets.

"you can get through it. you and your mom are some of the strongest women i've ever met." he told me. my heart melted a bit at his words.

"thank you, ethan." i nearly whispered. i wanted to wrap my arms around him and let him kiss me softly. but i couldn't do that, not anymore.

"yeah, no problem." he said. his green eyes glanced down nervously before he asked me, "do you want to maybe go grab something to eat soon? just to catch up?"

"i'm pretty busy this and next week.." i trailed off a bit. i saw his face fall so i quickly added, "but anytime after that would be amazing. maybe we could go back to paula's diner."

"i'd like that a lot."ethan replied. his eyes suddenly widened as he exclaimed, "you remember that band i love? twenty one pilots?"

"of course i do. why?" i asked, cocking my head to the side.

" i got tickets to see them in a few days! it's a small gig here in the city and i'm so excited. they were actually a gift and i have no idea how i got so lucky." he vented to me.

"that's great! i hope you have lots of fun." i told him genuinely. i remember how much he obsessed over that band and it made me happy that he finally got a chance to see him since he's never been to any concerts.

"thanks, natalie." he outstretched his arms and gave me a hug. i shut my eyes and swooned in his embrace, cherishing the comfort he gave me.

"i'll see you around then." i smiled.

"see you." he returned it and walked past me. i snuck one last look at him and headed off back to my apartment. all i could think about was ethan until luke popped into my mind. i felt somewhat guilty for talking to ethan, but i didn't do anything wrong. luke has zero feelings for me despite the ones i slightly possess for him. yet, i still felt as if i betrayed him or was unfaithful.

maybe because i wished there was some reason i should have been loyal to him, but there wasn't.