desire ~ lrh

13

"are you okay?"

luke, michael and ashton all looked at me oddly. i nodded and apologized, picking the cup back up and using a napkin to dry up the small spill i had made.

there was no way this actually happened. ethan, arzaylea, luke and i all at the same concert. i suddenly felt self conscious of ethan seeing luke and i together by chance of him looking up. i scooted a bit away from luke and bounced my leg nervously.

"isn't their music good? do you like it?" luke asked me casually. his eyes remained on the musicians who were lighting up the stage.

"yeah." i said absentmindedly.

the rest of the show went by in a blur. i couldn't really focus on anything besides luke and ethan, along with arzaylea popping back into my head every once in a while. i tried to scan the venue for both of our exes but i couldn't for spot either of them. i found myself doing this often, only when luke waved his hand in front of my face did i snap out of it.

"what?" i blinked cluelessly.

luke chuckled confusedly, "the show is over."

"oh." i responded and follow him out. before we got to the dressing room, i excused myself to go to the bathroom but i ended up just wandering around. i knew deep down that i wanted to see ethan but i also knew that searching for him probably wasn't the smartest thing to do.

however, it was almost instantly that i spotted those enchanting green eyes of his. i couldn't remember if they were as sparkly as they once were, but they were still shining beautifully. before i could stop myself, i made my way over to him and tapped his shoulder.

"natalie?" he blurted in confusion.

"hey." i smiled, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"what are you doing here?" he grinned, hugging me tightly.

i hadn't thought about the fact that he told me he'd be here earlier when i didn't know i was going. i never mentioned it to him so i had to think quick, "my friend actually got tickets. he offered me one because he didn't want to go alone so i ended up just coming to check them out."

"wow, what luck." he remarked with a low whistle. "so how did you like the show? i thought they were incredible."

"they were, really." i agreed with him. "i now understand why you were always so obsessed with them."

"i feel so lucky to be able to come here. funny how you ended up coming, too. maybe it was destiny." he winked, making my cheeks flush quickly.

"maybe." i repeated. i stared at him and forgot all about who i actually came here with. i felt guilty as luke's face appeared in my mind and took a step back. i took a deep breath and said, "i should get going back before my friend wonders where i ran off to."

"wait, do you still want to grab lunch or something soon? i'm free this weekend, if you are." ethan offered.

"yeah, we can grab lunch." i smiled softly at him. i waved him off and rushed backstage. i somehow navigated the many hallways until the dressing room and went inside.

before i could take in the scene in front of me, i felt my body being pulled aside. calum and michael stood in front of me with extremely worried faces.

"do you know where luke is?" michael asked.

"no, i thought he was here." i answered.

"he went looking for you!" calum exclaimed. "you didn't see him at all? he said he was going to the bathrooms to see because he thought you got lost when you didn't come back."

"he's hasn't come back?" i gulped nervously.

calum shook his head and bit his lip. michael swore under his breath and looked back to where ashton was. michael shook his head at the drummer who's face fell as if he was waiting for good news.

"have you tried texting him?" i suggested weakly.

"he hasn't responded to any calls or texts." michael refuted. i sank down in guilt. if luke was with arzaylea, this would all be my fault for leaving to go find ethan. if i said i was going to get air and would take a while, he wouldn't wonder where i was. or if i just stayed with luke, he wouldn't have left.

"i'm really sorry." i told them softly.

"it's not your fault, natalie." calum sighed and put his hand on my shoulder. "we should have stayed with him, too. i'm just worried about him. i know it's not our responsibility to make sure he makes good choices for himself, but it feels like it is."

i didn't know what to do besides wait for luke. he didn't come back for the rest of the night. calum offered to take me back to the hotel, so i got into the car with him but i didn't say much anyways. i was too preoccupied wondering where luke was and if he was with arzaylea.

"smart of to grab your own room key." calum commented as we moved up in the elevator.

"i guess so." i shrugged.

"don't beat yourself up over tonight. it really isn't your fault. i'm sorry for making you feel so worked up over this." he told me.

"it's fine, calum." i assured him. the elevator stopped on the floor so we both exited. he went down to the right and called a goodnight over to me before entering his room.

i walked up to luke's door and sighed, sliding in the card and opening the door. i walked in and froze when i saw luke and arzaylea on the bed.

not in that way.

thank god.

he was against the headboard and she was sitting by his feet, her hand on his leg. they both looked over at me and i had to admit, it was strange seeing arzaylea in real life. it was kind of the same as when i first saw luke. i had only seen her through a screen up to this point, but now i already knew so many dark things that went on between luke and her. she stared at me with her dark brown eyes that intimidated me to no end.

"s-sorry, i didn't know—" i stammered.

"no, it's fine." luke assured me, pushing himself to stand on his own feet. "we were just talking."

arzaylea and i remained silent as he looked between us. it was so incredibly awkward in the room. it was almost as if we were waiting for him to choose which one of us had to leave. i wanted to say i would leave first, but i didn't want to go. i wanted him to send arzaylea out of the room for good, knowing whatever she said to him was a lie. even if she was being honest, the both of them were doomed to fail. not that luke and i were much different, but at least we weren't toxic and torturing one another emotionally.

well, he wasn't being tortured by me.