desire ~ lrh

11

i sighed as i curled the final part of my hair and ran my fingers through it to mess it up. i got my ideal end result of wavy, rough hair which looked pretty good with my black outfit. i didn't really know what to wear so i eyed luke's outfit and did my best to match it. i did a pretty good job in my opinion.

"you almost ready?" luke called from the bed.

"yeah, give me another minute." i responded.

"i've already given you sixty." he pointed out.

"do you want to wait another sixty?" i shot back.

luke laughed and said, "i guess not."

i smiled and finished my final touches. luke and i had been pleasantly getting along, surprisingly enough. we had started to talk more, when we weren't having 'fun.' it didn't replace the gap of allison though. only when i didn't have her around did i realize how much i needed her around.

"deep in thought?"

i jumped at luke's voice. i hadn't noticed when he leaned against the doorframe. i shook my head and let my eyes travel down to my phone which was lighting up with a "how are you" message from my mom. i could see my background; a picture of allison and i at school, being weird in the halls.

"i'm done." i blurted.

"i didn't ask." luke chuckled lowly. "are you okay?"

"i made my friend mad at me on accident. i just miss her." i explained with a defeated shrug.

"sorry about that." luke said awkwardly. i smiled tightly in response and unplugged my phone from its charger. luke pulled it out of my hand and said, "let's take a picture. your mum is coming back soon and we haven't taken one. we both look nice, too. not naked for once."

i giggled and elbowed him gently. he swiped to my camera as i said, "we actually have one. the day we met."

"oh yeah, i forgot about that. we should compare how different they look." he suggested.

"there won't be much of a difference." i told him. "it may have been weeks, but we haven't changed."

"it feels like longer." he said. we stared at one another for a moment before breaking eye contact. luke cleared his throat and said, "just one."

he snapped the picture after i pressed my cheek against his and smiled brightly. his smile was soft, smug almost and his hair laid flat on his forehead. he looked absolutely amazing and sweet. i felt myself melt at the image but i just laughed and said, "what a pair of stunners."

+

"i'm nervous." i told luke as we walked into the crowded, yet small building. he walked behind me and guided me where to go, but there was still a security guard with us just incase.

"why?" he asked.

"because we have to sit with the other boys." i answered.

i glanced back to luke who pulled me aside and said, "you don't have to worry about them. we're good now. you just came in at a tense time. it wasn't you."

"what even happened?" i took the opportunity to ask. luke didn't say anything for a minute. he just watched me with his blue eyes and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, a thoughtful look on his face.

"we were just having a lot of disagreements about things, mostly with me." he said vaguely.

"did it have to do with music?" i pressed.

"somewhat."

i nodded because i knew that what he just told me was as much as he was willing to. he led me back to an empty hallway and then into a dressing room where about ten people were, including ashton, michael and calum.

everyone was talking so no one really noticed us at first. i followed luke around as he gave me a small smile and brought me to the group.

"what's up, guys?" he greeted everyone. i was surprised to see the boys greet him back normally. in my experience with them, they were always angry, but i was glad they worked out whatever happened with them.

luke vaguely introduced me to the people i didn't know. i awkwardly smiled and nodded at the other band members who actually gave me genuine and kind smiles back.

"nice to see you, natalie." ashton said.

"yeah, you too." i said shyly. luke gave me an assuring look which made my walls fall down a bit.

while we waited for the show to start, i took it upon myself to sit on the couch and munch a bowl of m&m's that were there. i felt the spot next to me sink in and when i looked over, i was taken aback to see that it was calum.

"hey." he said.

"hi." i said back. this couldn't have a more uncomfortable situation. last time i checked, they didn't like me, or luke for that matter and considering i had no idea what happened, i did not know what to do.

"listen, i just wanted to apologize for being a dick. all of us were and it didn't really have anything to do with you. i reckon you made the situation a bit better actually." he chuckled a bit but i was still lost.

"thanks, but what situation though?" i was so curious as to what happened.

calum glanced wearily towards luke who was chatting with other people with a smile. it was weird to see him happy since we had only just opened up to each other this past week.

"luke had a girlfriend for a while that none of us liked."

"arzaylea." i blurted out. calum look at me surprised but i just pressed him to continue.

"yeah, her. she was horrible and her relationship with luke was really toxic. he was distant and distraught all the time and we were pissed he wouldn't leave her. when he finally did because she cheated on him for the millionth time, he became an asshole. he was late for everything, argued with us all the time, and had no respect for anyone. he would sometimes not even show up to studio sessions we booked and waste everyone's time. only recently did he get change. he actually apologized to us on wednesday." calum revealed to me, making almost everything else make sense.

"wow." was all i could say in response.

calum agreed and added, "him bringing you this is a big step, too. usually he keeps the girls he hooks up with hidden from us. he started doing that since arzaylea screwed him up."

"he did do that to me up until tonight basically. i had no idea it was all that bad. i hope he's getting better." i looked over at the blonde. my heart beat a little faster at the sight of him.

calum smiled, "he is. i want him to get better, too. it was hard to see him like that. he's been my best friend since we were kids. i just want him to be happy."

"he can be if he gets over her. i think he still uses me as a distraction." i revealed to the brunette next to me.

he frowned and said, "i know. i think he's getting there, but i don't know if he's completely made it. we have to protect him from her. he always goes back and i'm nervous because i think she's here tonight."

"she's here now?" i shrieked.

"shh!" calum panicked. "i'm not sure. michael said he could have sworn he saw her when we came. somebody needs to stay next to luke the entire night."

"right." i nodded.

"thanks, natalie. you're actually pretty cool." calum told me,
patting my arm and walking away. i shifted my gaze back to luke. the feelings for him i had were only making my life more complicated. luke wasn't in a place for a relationship and he didn't feel that way towards me. ethan did, but i didn't want to leave what i had with luke. i also didn't want to ignore ethan. he was my first everything and i still loved him.

who knew being a seventeen year old girl could be so hard?