Beautifully Broken

1

All my life I always felt like I wasn't enough.
In everything I did, I felt less than.
My family wasn't the most supportive or understanding of who I was.
Nobody truly was only my mother.

So one day I decided,
To end it all.

But I failed.

"You couldn't even kill your self the right way. That's WHY you ended up back here." Miles taunts at me during group.

Miles was a regular here at the facility. He has bipolar disorder. He is keeps coming back here because his parents can't handle him when he goes off his medication, disappearing for months on end. This is basically his second home.

Miles hates me, only because according to him I wasn't trying to kill myself I just wanted attention from mommy and daddy.

But little did he know, my mother was dead and I never knew who my father was. I was a test tube baby, as I like to say.

"Miles that's enough with the outburst. This is a safe place for everyone to speak freely with no judgement, remember." Ms. Fox said in her most softest tone, while adjusting her thick frames from the bridge of her nose.

Ms. Fox was probably the only nicest sincere facility member here. Probably because she had only been working here for about five years, compared to the rest who have been here for far too long.

I liked her but I would never admit it to her of course. That would mean I cared which I wasn't fond of broadcasting, it literally made my skin crawl and I felt ridiculous.

"Evie would you care to finish? There's only a few more minutes in the group before lunch." Ms. Fox asked giving me her best and sincere smile.

I just shook my head No and began biting at my hang nail on my thumb.

Quickly feeling Miles eyes throwing daggers at me, I look at him and our eyes meet.

Browns versus blues.

He licks his lips and pushes his long blonde hair back away from his forehead.

I squint and mouth go to hell, and a small smile develops over his pink lips.

The timer goes off and I hear the rest of the group push out of their seats and heading to the cafeteria. Ms. Fox looked over at me with such sadness in her eyes, I hated that people looked at me with such pity. I got up and smiled at her, grabbing my journal and placing it in my chest and heading behind everyone else.

As I walked down the grey and white hallway towards the cafeteria, I kept my eyes on the green and black checkered floor, as my grey vans squeaked with every step I took.

"Hey! Half dead! Watch were your going!" I heard Martha, the known bully of the ward shout at me before I could collide with the swing doorway.

Catching the door, I looked at her and I just nodded a thank you and I walked in to the loud atmosphere that was the lunch room.

It was small but wide, there was only about twenty of us. But this was the only time we had a sense of freedom, so everyone was very vocal and chaotic.

I walked in line and grabbed my tray and went down the line as the cafeteria lady's gave me today's lunch.

Chicken and gravy, with mash and corn. For desert a vanilla or chocolate pudding with milk or apple juice.

Once I got to the end of the line, I gave Mrs. Martinez a small smile and she returned one in favor and she snuck in a extra vanilla pudding just for.