Beautifully Broken

11

The next few days went by in a quick haze and everything was back to a regular routine.

After my last encounter with Miles I was having a case of buyers remorse, I'm not that girl.

But I am, inside.

Doing those things and being daring was what the old Evie did and lived For.

But this wasn't old her, I was new and improved and better.

Better...

What is even better?..

I stood to myself and I hadn't seen Miles for about two days and now that I thought about it, It was a little weird.

I knew I was avoiding him, but now I was being to question was he avoiding me too?

I was now in my room tidying up and Marble had walked in and she was red as a tomato as she huffed with her arms folded across her chest and she sat on her bed angry.

"What's wrong Mars?" I asked not looking at her as I looked around my bed for my journal.

She started kicking her feet and she decided to scream, making me stop what I was doing and turn facing her wide eyed in confusion.

I stood there standing near the edge of my beds railing, I was mostly thinking where the hell was my journal!

"Miles. He has been such a D bag to me! He's been ignoring me and just now he made fun of me in front of his douche bag friends." She was trying to wipe the tears away from her face so I wouldn't see.

I stood there just staring at her, my eyes arched.

"I'm sorry? Are we really surprised by that? It's miles." I spoke trying to maintain my tone as I spoke about him.

Don't make it so obvious that a few days ago he was inside you making you feel all of him and you enjoyed it like no other.

She snapped her head towards me and she went to protest but didn't after I tried to give her a sincere smile and a light shrug of the shoulders.

"It's just- I thought we were making progress, but like I know he doesn't do relationships or whatever but—- FUCKKK!!! Why can't he just want ME?!" She was throwing her head on the bed now and threw her arm over her eyes and she started sobbing.

I didn't know what to do, because apart of me felt so bad for her in the sense that I knew what it felt like to want someone who led you on but then the other part of me was slightly glad?

That's such an asshole thing of me honestly but like truthfully I was happy, but now confused.

I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way!

What is wrong with me?!

"I'm sorry Mars, I can't answer that I'm not him. I don't think he even knows what he wants. This is a mental hospital we're all a little fucked, remember." I said going back to looking for my journal.

She sat up and laughed.

"You're right. Wanna come with me to lunch?" She asked fixing herself as if nothing didn't happen.

I shook my head no, "looking for my journal. I'll catch up with you."

Marble waved me off as she walked out of the room.

I began to get frantic as I started to take the pillow off my bed and I looked under and around and in my small shelf.

I started to get this nervous sensation in my stomach, that was my prize possession. It's where I wrote everything and anything down. It's where I was my free self, me.