Beautifully Broken

17

It's been a week or so I think.
They have been heavily medicating me, only because I've been choosing to keep lashing out. There was no reason for me to anymore because my episode had passed but I didn't want too be back in the real world.

It was better be medicated and in a comatose state than having to talk and see pity eyes.

Bonus was the voices were tamed at a bay, for now.

"Are you ready to cooperate Evie?" Mr.Wilson my new head doctor as I like to call him asked as he sat on the edge of my hospital bed.

His bald head shined, his salt and pepper goatee displayed and his tightlipped smile was evident, he had glasses that sat at the bridge of his nose and I wanted to tell him to push them up.

I just looked at him blankly.

"I know you can hear me Evie, I know you want to be out of here you gotta work with me." He spoke in a calming manner trying to get me to feel like he was my friend so I would open up to him. This was all nothing new to me, I knew the scheme.

"I'm never leaving this place, I fucked up again. I might as well just stay in this bed and rot." I finally spoke my eyes directly up to the ceiling.

"You can leave this place and you will, it's just going to take some time again is all. Your not going to rot here, I promise."

I shook my head at those last words of his.

I promise.

"Promises are made to be broken."

"I'm sorry you feel that way Evie, but I can guarantee if you work with me I will work with you to get you back on the track you were on towards leaving this place. You have huge potential Evie, what's holding you back?" He closed his pad and he looked at me deeply and intensely.

I didn't answer, I couldn't.

I just closed my eyes and I pretended to go to sleep.

After a few minutes I didn't hear him move to leave I opened my eyes and he stood there waiting his eyes on my folder reading through my file I assume.

"I'm still here, whenever your ready to talk Evie. It doesn't have to be about the incident that occurred it can be about anything on your mind. Whatever." He side eyed me for a moment before putting his eyes back on the pages in front of him.

Talk Evie.

You want to get out of this room don't you?

I let out a low sigh.

"I can't control the voices sometimes, sometimes the medication you guys give me doesn't work for a period of time. I try to control it myself and get past the voices, sometimes it works other times it doesn't. When that happens, I blackout and usually that ends up badly, in those moments I'm not me, I don't know who I am. I don't remember what happened this time, I really don't. But I know she said something in regards to my mother and her death after that it's dark." I felt the tear trickle down my cheek and I turned to face away from Dr. Wilson.

I heard his pen scribbling onto the pad, and then he closed it.

"Thank you for sharing this with me Evie. Now I'm gonna ask you a few questions. Do you think you can answer them truthfully?"

"Yes."

"Okay, let's begin."

"Do you feel like you want to harm yourself now?"

"No."

"Do you want to harm others?"

"No."