When I'm Gone

Chapter 10

Our small place was now mostly packed up into boxes. We were leaving behind all of our old second-hand furniture and only taking the things that we needed. Martell had helped as much as he could but he had been in the studio quite a bit lately recording g a new album. Apparently, he was cutting his deadline extremely close.

As I loaded more boxes into my old car my neighbour Mark came out. He nervously laughed "I didn't expect you to move out of here anytime soon."

I smiled warmly at him "yeah Martell and I are moving in together. He came back from the tour and we decided to give things another go. Anyway, how have you been?"

Mark beamed "really good, my cat finally had her kittens and I am going great at work. Are you sure you are ready to move out? We will miss your face around here and the girls."

I nodded "yeah Martell doesn't want to spend any more time away. I guess he just wants to watch his girls turn into the amazing woman they are going to be."

Mark awkwardly pulled me into his chest "we I wish you good luck on your future. We will always welcome you back with open arms."

I smiled at him retreating to my car driving to our new place. As I pulled up I lifted our last two boxes and carried them up the stairs of our place. I balanced the box in one arm resting in my knee as I opened the door. I sat the box in the entryway and then walked into the family room where Martell was sitting on the couch with Hallie laying against his side with an arm wrapped around her whilst using the other hand to eat cereal that laid on his chest.

I giggled at them "you both have bonded quickly. It's amazing."

Martell smiled tight-lipped, talking through a mouth of food "of course she is my girl after all. Do you need help with boxes or are you all done?"

I walked over to them sitting down next to Hallie "all done I just need to unpack and we are all settled. There are little things we still need to discuss but other than that all done."

Mathers nodded "fantastic then. Hallie and I have huge plans today. We were thinking that we could go to the park, choose a dog to bring home and then back to the park."

I shook my head "no way. We are not getting any pets until the girls are older and can be bribed into picking up dog poo. Can you get a fish of a rock."

Martell shook his head "you are no fun. Can I get them a kitten?"

I brushed my fingers through my messy hair "we can talk about it more but not now. We have just moved in. Now I think Hallie is ready to go just let me grab her a jacket so she doesn't catch a cold."

Once I grabbed their jackets Martell was on his way out to a nearby park. I closed the door behind them rushing upstairs to the girls' bathroom. I pulled out the box I had hidden on the top shelf of the cupboard. I pulled down my undies holding the stick under me. I finished my business placing the stick on the bench top. I set the time to five minutes.

It was an excruciating five minutes. I paced the bathroom anxiously awaiting the result. My phone loudly buzzed breaking me out of my daze. I pressed my finger on my phone stopping the loud sound. Slowly I approached the bench picking up the used stick. I turned it over to face me. There laid two bright pink addition signs. Martell and I were going to have a baby, another baby."

I waited in the kitchen with hot chocolate. It took a few hours before they returned when they did Hallie was asleep in his arms. He whispered to me "I'm going to put her to bed quickly."

I nodded following him up the stairs. He was lightly singing to her, I hadn't heard him sing in so long.
'Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cause sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me
My baby girl keeps on gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes, 'cuz they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side
I act like shit don't phase me
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive
But then I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes
Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cause sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me
Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singin' this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow somethin' as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got 'er
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mom didn't abort her
Now you probably get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packin' drug-addict who bags on his mama
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
'Cause there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' ma soul
And just know that I grow cold of the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breakin'
Should I just give up
Or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look
I love my daughter more than life itself.'

He gently laid her in bed and then kissed her forehead "daddy loves you, baby."

He quietly closed the door and we walked to our bedroom. I laid down and Martell joined me "what's happening in that head of yours?"

I placed my head in his chest "I want to help pay for this lifestyle. I want us to be a couple. I want to wake up to you every day for the rest of my life. What do you want?"

Martell thought about it for a moment "I also want us to be together, eventually married because I want you to bare my surname. I want my girls to have a better life than me. I want to let them have everything in the world but I also want them to work for it. I want to have around ten kids. I want a family, a big family."

I nodded tearfully "yeah, we need to talk about the big family you want. When do you want to make our family bigger?"

Martell was quick to answer "when you finish your degree, I know how hard you have worked. I also want Hallie to be in school so it is easier for you, you wouldn't have lots of little ones."

I nodded shakily replying "and if we were to have a baby now?"

"It would be a surprise but I want a family. I love kids even more if they have our genes."

I smiled "good, I have some news for you...I'm expecting a little us. I took a test earlier today when I rushed you out of the house. I need to take a blood test to be positive but it's highly likely."