When I'm Gone

Chapter 6

Just as I was about to open my current textbook there was a knock on the door. I pulled it open and sighed "now isn't a great time."

He nervously laughed "well I have some news that I wanted to talk to you about."

I pinched the bridge of my nose opening the door wider so he could come in. He stopped in the kitchen sitting at the chair he was in earlier today. I sat opposite him so he could talk and be done. I rattled my fingers in the table "why are you here Martell?"

He started "at my meeting with Andre which he wasn't pleased about he demanded that I go back on tour. I refused to tell him I couldn't do that I was setting down routes. He laughed at me calling me a fool. I told him about Hallie and how much I missed with Amity. He laughed at me again claiming I had missed so much already what was a little more. I threatened to leave which he didn't like. Anyway, I told him I wanted to stay with you and the girls. He claimed I was ruining my career but to hell with it. I'm ruining my relationship with the girls. After that, I went to a nearby real estate agency and they had many great listings up. I have posters for you to look through and then we can visit any places you like. Also, I was thinking about the girl's education since I can afford it I would like to put them through private school."

I shook my head "no, this is too much. That's shit about your job but you knew what type of guy Andre was when he helped me cover the miscarriage. Why rush into a place. This all seems so first. Also, Amity is staying in a public school. We were in a public school so will the girls. I don't care about your money. That is your money. I want to pay what I can in regards to the girls. I don't need you to pay for everything. I have got this."

He laughed sarcastically "I don't want you to pay for everything. These are my girls as well. If you want them public I can except that but I am happy to pay for their schooling. I want to pay for everything so that you can quit that job waiting tables and put more attention to your school work. I saw your dad today and he gave me a run down. I did all this music thing for two reasons. One because I love music and you told me to dream big. The second reason is that I wanted you to be there to soak in the rewards with me. Half of my fame is because of you. You put your time and effort into taking care of us, helping me record my first demo and then watching Amity and then Hallie. I want to help you, baby."

I tearfully shook my head "we can't do this. Please, we can't!"

As I went to walk away Martell grabbed my arms cupping my cheek "tell a good reason why we can't."

Tears flooded my cheek "the girls, I don't want to destroy your new relationship with them. I don't want to get hurt or to hurt you and the last reason you are engaged. Even thinking this should be considered cheating."

Mathers snorted rather amused "I didn't know I was engaged. How do you know I am engaged?"

I pulled slightly away from him "it was in those stupid magazines that love to write about you. You and some hot brunette, she was seen wearing a wedding band.'

Mathers shook his head "I'm not engaged, she is but not to me. I haven't been involved with anyone since you. It's not because I wanted to or didn't want to. It was a mix of not having enough time in my days and still being caught up on my ex-girlfriend who was trying her hardest not to talk to me."

I shook my head "I couldn't talk to you. You would figure something was wrong and then want to come back. We were right to worry about your career. Look at you, you're a huge star. Amity and I are so proud of you. We even went to one of your first concerts. We saw how you responded to the crowd and how you brought them to life. You have a natural talent."

Martell grabbed my knees pulling me into his body "if I had to give everything up for my family I would. I love my girls." He cupped my cheek "tell me how you feel about this Lilee. Tell me if it's too much. I have been away for too long I know, let me make up for that missed time. I'm ready for this life. I'm ready to be a dad."

I nodded my head "okay, be a dad. I know you are a great day look at how your raised Amity and made her your first priority. Nothing can happen with us."

Martell placed his forehead against mine shaking his head "now you are lying, you want me as much as I want you. I can see it in your eyes, Lil. Say those words and I'm all yours."

I shook my head "I can't say them. We need to think of the girls...."

Martell interrupted "I think about them all day every day. Even before I came back all I thought about was Amity. Now with Hallie, I can never turn my mind off. Then throw you into the mix and my mind is fucked. You fuck my head up in a good way."

He ran his nose along mine. I was fighting a frowning urge to smash my lips against his "I'm not going to say those words."

I knew he was smirking, I didn't even need to look at him "fine, don't say those words. It's not going to stop me," With that said Martell didn't hold back his lips harshly met mine.