Dear Ashton,

19.

Dear Ashton,

Calum misses you.

Michael misses you.

Luke even misses you.

I overheard them talking during our movie night a few days ago.

I left them to go to the kitchen, and they kept asking Luke if I was okay. 

If I... If I still missed you.

Of course I do, but Luke, he doesn't know that. 

Ash, he doesn't know I write to you still. Although this would hardly pass as writing TO YOU. Cause technically I'm writing to myself. I never get anything from you. Just you trying to forget me as much as I am you.

I'm happy with Luke, and I feel like a bitch turning my back and writing you these letters you'll never see. 

But that's the thing. I shouldn't feel bad because you don't know how I feel. No one knows but me, and it'll stay that way.

I love you Irwin, but I'm beginning to love Luke. He keeps me whole, he keeps me sane, and happy.

With him everything is perfect again. I can laugh. I can smile. 

Babe, I can actually be myself again. 

Surely that will have to count for something in the end. 

I want you to be happy, and I know that if you had an ounce of love left for me, you'd want me happy too.

Even if it is with Luke.

He's sweet. He's kind.

He's beginning to take your place, but in his own way.

No one can replace you Ash.

But only one can make me love again like you did, and that's Luke.

I'm sorry.

Love, Riley

x