Read Me Out Loud

Chapter 11 - Till Death Do Us Apart

        Ok bare with me in this chapter because it's going to be very emotional. If you read my little preview on what my book is about in the beginning, you would know I would talk about death eventually. So today if 9/11 so I thought it was time to bring up this subject.

        Death is never easy, but we all do it. One day we are all going to be dead whether we like it or not. Some of us leave a lot faster than others. Sometimes death isn't fair, but you can't fight it. Like I said death is never easy. you have to deal with the fact that a loved one is gone & you can't see them again. I still have a hard time thinking about that with some deaths in my life that happened over 4 years ago.

        Anyone who has lost a loved one due to death, this chapter is for you. I know what it's like in your spot. I don't know how you exactly feel, but I've been there a few times.

        I'm first going to talk about my first hard death I delt with, my great grandma Kathrine. I remember so much with her. I remember I would always open the door for her because I was so excited to see her. I felt so happy as a kid being with her. She always gave me a huge sense of happyness. Everytime I visited somewhere & she was there, I spent probably most of my time with her. I wish I could have shown her how far I've come in my journeys. When she died, I was just a beginner in singing. I wish I could show her my songs that I write, or perform with her in the audience, but I can't. i Wish she was here to give a good hug when I needed it, but she was suffering & no one wants that. I would rather let her go then watch her suffer. Back then, when I was little, I probably wouldn't feel the same only cause I was just a kid. But I've learned that you have to let go.

        My second hard death was with my aunt Marie. She died of I think it was Lupas. I sincerely appologize if I was wrong. When I was just a baby, she would watch me & babysit me all the time. I don't really remember it much, but there were pictures & videos to prove it. When her disease got bad, she couldn't talk properly. It was hard to understand her. I remember she was always in a wheelchair & she had markings all over her body. It really got a lot worst when she had lost memory. I heard that she called her daughter 'Mom' before as if she didn't know. It was really hard for my aunt Carole (My Aunt Marie's daughter) to process what's all happening. When she actually passed, it was a surprise to me. I didn't even hear about her in the hospital let alone about to die. It was really hard on the family & I remember a lot of crying from me & from everyone. She was barried in the same place my great grandma was barried so we got to see her grave to. Later on, my aunt Marie's twin sister (My other aunt Carole) had passed away also. Aunt Marie & Aunt Carole's mother still lives till this day, out-living both her daughters. Imagine the pain she must feel.

        My third & last for now death that was really hard on me was, my frien Noah Austill. He jsut turned 14 when he passed. He was quickly taken by a SUV as he crossed an intersection on his skateboard. When he passed, a lot of people blamed themselves, including me. Someone could have just talked to him for 5 more minutes & this would have never happened. I remember a lot with him. We went to school together for about 5 years I think. He was the brightest person ever. He was always so happy & he reflected on the people around him. He physically might not be here, but to me he's always here. When I met his mother & father, it was devistating. I saw that his mother could barely stand, his siblings were broken, & his father was just plain shocked & couldn't believe it. Me & a load of more people, all through a big memorial. His grandparents were there, his dad was there, & I think his uncle to. Just to see how many people really cared for him, warmed my heart. I know he's in a better place & It's hard knowing he's gone, but you can't stay depressed forever.

        Those loved ones that passed away, don't want to see you crying all the time. They want you to know that they'll be looking out for you. Sometimes I feel like they are watching down on me. I know that they are at peace so if their happy, I'll try to be happy. Anyone that has lost a loved one, I'm so sorry for your lose & I know it's hard. I love you guys. Stay beautiful & stay royal. Progress has been made. <3