without you

Chapter 5

Just as I cut the last demons head off, the door swings open and the others enter.
I can see by the looks on their faces that they're shocked by the picture before their eyes.
Me standing their, covered in blood and demon ichor. It would have been worse if they would have seen dead bodies.
"All done." I say before wiping my sword on my anyway ruined dress and leaving as if nothing happened. I can feel the everyone's eyes on me as i do so.
Once I get back to the institute I immediately jump into the shower and wash all the dirt off.
when I'm done, I put on sweatpants and a tank top and my wet curls hang loosely over my shoulders. And then I have nothing more to do, which means that nothing will stop me from thinking. How could i massacre so many demons? Should that effect me? It shouldn't right? They're not people, humans. They're just...things. Then again how the hell was I able to kill them all? And i don't even have a scratch on me. Maybe it's because of Valentines experiments. A knock on the door interrupts my thought.
"Come in!" I yell.
The door opens and Jace steps inside.
"Clary I-" he starts.
"Get out." I say dangerously calm.
For a second he looks confused, and then he remembered...the things he said.
"I- I'm sorry Clary I didn't want to-" he stutters. Jace Herondale stutters.
I know- I really do- that he is sorry but I can't forget what he said. I can't just forgive him. And I don't understand why he's jealous. He cheated on me.
"Just-just go Jace." i sigh and turn away from him. He nods slowly and I think tears are shimmering in his eyes. But that could just be the light because I don't think I've ever seen him cry. When I hear the door close I lower myself to the bed and lay down. A few seconds later I jump out and run to the training room. I really have to blow off some steam. I grab a stick and start hitting the dummy.
Time went by fast and soon I could see the sun rising. I decide to train for just a little longer and then head to my room to shower. After a short while Alec came in, obviously surprised to see me here.
"Since when have you been here?" he asks confused. When I don't answer he raises an eyebrow.
"Don't tell me you were here since we came back."
When I don't give him a reply again he shakes his head and grabs my arm.
"You are going to shower..." he starts but I interrupt him before he can finish.
"Gee thanks, you really know how to compliment someone." I grunt but let him lead me out of the room. I believe that I saw a smile spread across his face. Just when we walk past Jax' room (the institute had a free room and we decided, that we could concentrate more if we slept separated) I here sounds and voices from behind the door and all I can think is please don't be what I think it is. It can't be. Jax loves me, he told me and besides he would never do that to me because he knows, that that was the exact reason why Jace and I broke up. Alec looks confused when I stop, dead in my tracks. I nod to the big wooden door and when he listens carefully, he understands immediately. We wait a few seconds and then Alec basically rips the door open and the scene shocks both of us. Jax is in bed, naked and next to him... next to him is another naked guy, probably looking just as shocked as me. I cannot believe that this is happening. Jax is gay!? When did that happen? Ans instead of just talking to me or even breaking up with me, he decides to cheat on me. Seriously why me?

After Alec closed the door he looks at me with that specific look. Full of pity and sympathy, that I don't want. So I just shake my head and run to my room. What the hell am I supposed to do now?! I can't run away again. I decide for a shower first, maybe then I can think more clearly. I could also talk to Izzy. Maybe she can give me some advice. And that'smy plan for now.