Turning Into Who You Truly Are (A Malec Story)

Author's Note

Hey guys, so I really wanted to make this note so I can get out a couple of things out so here we go.

1st: Thank you guys for going on this journey with me and for showing your love and support for this story being the way that it is. So thank you guys so much.
2nd: I love you guys so much, I would not be here if it wasn't for you and how much you love the content that I try to put out for you guys. Once again, I love you guys so much and I couldn't have done this without you.

And 3rd...

This is something that I never thought that I would ever do but here it is.

3rd: I am actually lesbian, which means that I like girls.

Yeah

I can understand that you guys may not like me because of my sexuality. I never faced homophobia because not many people know about it. Only my friends, and one cousin, and now you guys know about it. Which leaves my parents, sister, grandparents, and a lot of my other family for me to come out to them but I don't know when that is going to happen. Hopefully, I can try to figure that all out and come out to them but I don't know. It really all depends on the situation.

So, now you guys are probably going to ask me a bunch of questions. If you have any then don't be afraid to ask but try to keep this polite. I just don't want anyone to start a fight so please guys, try to keep this as nice as possible.

Anyways, I suppose you guys want to hear about my story.

Just to put out a disclaimer here: I am not some big martyr here, there are people out there that had worse than my experience. Everyone else is different but it is important for people to listen to those stories and to try to understand where are they coming from.

Now, here's the story.

I would say that it started when I was in seventh grade. I remember that I would look at girls and make small mental comments like "She's pretty." or "She's beautiful."

But then I realized that I kept on doing and that those compliments were more in a romantic sense than friendliness. I pushed it off as nothing but then it started to keep continuing as I went on with my life.

That's when things started to take a turn when the thought of girls would make me blush to the point where literally anyone could mistake me for an apple. This started to go on and I didn't know what this was.

And that's when my mind asked, are you gay?

It was only then where I entered the questioning stage.

Are you gay?

Do you like girls?

Are you lesbian?

So you're into girls?

It was those kinds of questions that I would be inside of my mind and what was worse was that I couldn't answer any of them.

I would always say

I don't know

I haven't figured it out yet

I just need time to think about it

Then that's when the doubting stage came in. I kept saying that this isn't real, you're not gay, or that isn't possible.

The doubt just grew and the more I tried to repress the feelings, I think I was making it worse.

It's kind of like with the devil and angel on that would stand on a person's shoulders.

The angel would tell that it's okay that I was gay, there was nothing wrong with it and I should just be myself.

Then the devil would try to block the angel out and say that it wasn't okay and just imagine how many people would hate or be disappointed in me if they found out.

Of course, the angel would fight back and that's when the two were at each other's throats and I was in the middle of it all.

That's when this started to become a daily thing, I would just be doing nothing and then the next thing is that my mind would bring it up and it wouldn't go away.

I will admit that I have tried to ignore it or distract myself away from the topic but nothing was working.

I just didn't know what to do and I felt like the feeling of me liking girls was only getting stronger.

I don't remember the rest of what happened other than just that and how eventually I ended up coming out to myself.

I was in my room and I had this diary where I would write in a lot. At the end of the entry, I wrote how much I loved gay ships like Malec, Britanna, Klaine, Brew or Drair. (I don't know what the name is for Blair and Drew from Dead of Summer but I really like them a lot.)

Anyways, after writing that I had to stop because I remember that if these characters can live to be who they are then so can I.

To end my entry, I quickly wrote that I'm gay too.

I closed the book and I whispered to myself, "You're gay, Magali, you're gay."

Being honest here, that was the most liberating moment of my life. I remembered that I was smiling to myself because the war was finally over.

I am so lucky that I was able to come to terms with myself and with who I am.

Which brings to me to this topic about accepting people for who they are.

It's just crazy to me that conversion therapy is a thing and it's just disgusting that people can try to force people to be who they don't want to be.

I mean, for me, in America, same-sex marriage is allowed but there are still conversion camps and discrimination laws that are actually allowed.

I just hope that one day, not just in America but also all over the world, lawmakers can come to their senses and realize that they are actually commiting a hate crime for allowing this to happen.

I just hope that people realize that the LGBTQ+ community doesn't want to be above or below anyone. All the community wants is to just be equal like any other person out there.

In any case, I just hope that all of us can unite together to defeat the darkness and make it clear that we will not be silenced by anyone.

If any of you guys are still trying to figure who you guys are then you go that wild adventure to figure it out. No one has a say in what you do, you have the control of being who you want to be. Even if it does seem like it, just know there are things you need to figure out for yourself. That's a journey you're going to have to go solo on.

It does sound scary but if you do this then you'll get the experience of learning who you are and that when you're having bad days, you just have to keep on going until you reach the end.

Anyway, guys, thank you all so much for listening and I hope you guys can feel comfortable with who you want to be and that the expedition of being who you want to be will be successful.

I'll see you guys in the near future.

Bye