Our Tears

it's raining and i miss you

Author : atoneformylove
Original publish on : archieve of our own | 2018
Author notes : ack! heavily unedited

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Heechul often thought that the departure was partly, no, completely his fault. He was frustrated, exhausted, and the lingering feelings all over the things he's touched weren't any of help to mend his partly-broken-heart. He would love — gladly — to blame the rain, the drunkenness that filled the air and the tense atmosphere and how he was too caught up with losing himself. Maybe if he was a little more sensible, none of these would've happened; and today's raining again and he misses Jungsu more than he'd imagine.

Jungsu was more broken than Heechul is. He knew too well that Heechul wasn't anything like himself that night, yet he chose to not say a thing. There were few of many things that he could've done instead that came into his mind, but Jungsu chose to stay silent and listened to everything Heechul had to say through the night. When he was on the verge of crying, when he was crying, when he choked on his uncontrollable sobs and when he muttered undecipherable apologies, Heechul went on. Jungsu remained — constant — silent and he's sworn that by that time he should be stopping Heechul yet he still, he still continued to listen.

Heechul was curious about the things he told Jungsu that night but Jungsu refused to tell him. Hell, Jungsu even refuses to answer his calls and texts. Jungsu might've blocked his number. Jungsu might've changed his number. Jungsu might've done everything he could to avoid any contact with Heechul. And in case you're now curious about what Heechul told Jungsu, I'll remind you: you wouldn't want to hear them, you wouldn't want to know about them, you wouldn't want to imagine them.

It was past midnight, Heechul took a shot and seemed to be out of his mind.

"You're fucking worthless, Jungsu. What the fuck do you even know about me? All you know is that I'm Jongwoon's cousin and that I'm a few days younger than you. We both know — we all know — hey! Everyone here! Listen to me!

Heechul got up.

"Jungsu right here, claims that he's in love with me but we know! We all know!" He raised his voice, "that Jungsu right here!" And points at Jungsu, "is in love with my perfect," lets out an exaggerated sob and continued with, "undefeated cousin!"

Everyone in the room darted their eyes to Jungsu.

Heechul grinned and chuckled before spurting out, "see! He's not denying it at all!"

Everyone in the room nodded and looked at Jungsu displeasingly, oh how distasteful.

Heechul sat down, took a sip again and said, "I'll tell you something more! Jungsu, you're fucking useless and you're not going to get Jongwoon. What can you do? All you do is whine and sing and wait for me to buy you drink!" He let out a moan, "ah, I'm tired. I can go on."

Lastly, he said, "you must not know how much I love you, right? Since you're too focused on trying to seduce my cousin. I love you, Jungsu; so please stay the hell away from me and my cousin. I love you, alright?"

The rain started to pour, and there was nothing that Jungsu could do. He misses Heechul, he misses Heechul that's for sure. He surely wanted to tell Heechul that there was some misunderstanding and that he's the one he loves. He wanted to tell Heechul that he was the one he's madly, surely, completely in love with. Yet again, there was nothing else that Jungsu could do, hell, he just misses Heechul a lot even after all those chaotic experiences; humiliation.

Heechul misses Jungsu and it was almost a sinful thing to do. To hurt someone, to destroy someone then expect to be forgiven. Heechul just misses Jungsu in this rainy day as he tries to recall the things he's said.

So he remembers, and he ran out, continuously calling out for Jungsu and wished that he would come like he would usually do.