Our Tears

o children

Author : 83lines
Original publish on : archieve of our own | 2019
Author notes : all im going to say this is based of one of my favourite harry potter scenes, which was hermione and harry dancing to o children by nick cave. i felt like this song also reminds me of teukchul because of how i saw them during debut and up to them now, how heechul was impacted by hangeng and also how leeteuk was affected by his idol persona.

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Jungsoo heard the doorbell ring in the middle of the night, he was buried with layers of blankets plus Shim-koong right next to him. Shim-koong barked at the doorbell noise, Jungsoo thought that someone was either drunk or trying to bribe him again through a cult. After his mind was overthinking the possibilities of who could be, Jungsoo shushes Shim-Koong as he tiptoed to the door. He opened the intercom, his eyelids were almost falling off.

It was Heechul, his close friend. Jungsoo's phone read that it was 3AM and there was Kim Heechul standing in the freezing cold waiting for a response.

"Unlock the door." Heechul says with a more calmer manner and before he could open his mouth, Jungsoo had unlocked the complex door just for a friend that he didn't know wherever or not Heechul's love for him is true. He knows that Heechul can be selfish, sure his heart was changed but it doesn't change the amount of damage Jungsoo had to go through for Heechul, his first love.

They never seem to called each other boyfriend, nor best friend or soulmate. Jungsoo looks down upon himself, as someone nobody can love. He's got everything: Fame, money and attention. Overused as Siwon wants to call it but, Jungsoo had never felt that love even from family and former exes. It repeated like every cycle of a romantically attached human. So when Jungsoo pressed the unlock button for Heechul, it's thorns of his brain continued to grow.

Heechul walked in and as usual, Jungsoo's puppy princess would keep barking. The two don't look at each other, Jungsoo was tired and wanted to go back to sleep. It worried him that Heechul was being forced to visit him at random times and days. Maybe it was another episode that Jungsoo was having.

"Sorry if I didn't bring anything else but myself," Heechul relented, removing his shoes off. "I don't know why I'm actually here bu-"

"Chullie-ah, I apologise as well." Jungsoo interrupted.

"For what?"

"Being like this."

Heechul understood, but he knows that Jungsoo was suddenly back to being stuck in a garden of thorns. There wasn't a cure for suddenly bringing people back to sunshine, it would take years, sometimes decades. This wasn't a movie either, Heechul knew that he only came because he needed Jungsoo to be happy.

After Hankyung left, it was during the occurrence that Heechul realised that he was nothing to Hankyung, a waste of time. Now from the person that was constantly forgiven by Jungsoo for his selfishness and now Jungsoo was thinking ways to distance himself from everyone else but Shim-Koong.

For the first time, Heechul became the first to hold Jungsoo's hand tight. Shim-koong became non-existent and the dim light was enough for Heechul to see a half awake Jungsoo. Slowly, Heechul guided him to the couch, just like how Jungsoo used to do it for him when he was drunk from soju.

The two had no time left, as they perform, sing and watch everything unfold, time was becoming priceless especially when they're with each other. Only the two knew that this was just a normal day. Tomorrow, they will wake up and realise that they have schedules and move on from the night.

Jungsoo looked at Heechul, the facial features and hands that still felt like the first time they have met. Between them, there is the gap of humiliation. Heechul was always hesitant, so was Jungsoo.

Heechul walked up to an old radio on the coffee table, it resonates with him. He turned it on, not noticing the poor static it played upon. Jungsoo couldn't remember as to why he had still kept it from Super Junior's first dorm, but it was another way to remember how happy he was when him and twelve other boys were going to perform in front of hundreds of fans.

O Children by Nick Cave played softly, it was an english song both Heechul and Jungsoo barely understand. Jungsoo spotted his Shim-koong sleeping peacefully and slays there on the floor.

Then his Heechul, he sits on the right side of the couch, the opposite side of where Jungsoo was laying his head down. Not one glance, it felt as if two strangers had to share a hotel room overnight.

Before, they were teenagers finding themselves. Back then, Heechul and Jungsoo were distant but they still have thoughts about early memories from Heechul almost burning Jungsoo's hand to the day that Donghae begged Heechul to not leave. Life had toughened up, a wave of nothing hits them.

So Heechul offered Jungsoo his hand. Jungsoo would still turn away, afraid of himself and the person in front but holds Heechul's because there was nobody else but him.

Years have passed by, they looked at each other with a little hope. Heechul felt the pain that Jungsoo was feeling, a feeling of nothing and the lost of the two's innocence taken away from an industry they had to suck up for.

For the first time in a long time, Heechul showed his first genuine smile. He then began to dance, like a middle school kid. Jungsoo moved to the soft sounded voice, with Heechul following along.

As the song continued forward, Jungsoo's smile became visible and Heechul becoming warmed by the way they dance. It wasn't special, just two almost middle aged men trying to live this moment.

What it felt like hope, was also a bittersweet feeling. Maybe Jungsoo regretted putting himself as an idol. Just an idol and like Heechul, feelings became ignorant. Heechul still wasn't sure why he was trying to make Jungsoo happy again, that they all had to grow old and retire.

Jungsoo rested on Heechul's shoulder, they sway from side to side. A moment of silence, thinking about what was going to happen in a decade time. Maybe in a decade time, they will become nothing. Heechul would have settled down with someone else, Jungsoo knew that it was slowly going to happen.

Heechul also putted his head on Jungsoo's shoulder, the two wanting nothing more than each other. They didn't need to speak in order to realise their feelings.

The wet tears fell on Heechul's shoulder, Jungsoo attempting to wipe them off. But he suddenly became effortless as Heechul pulled Jungsoo closer. What was once a song that the two were dancing to, became a emotionless song that was put to meaning by them.

Now here they continue to slow dance, almost everything but themselves were drifting away from the train of thought.

"Chullie..." Jungsoo sniffed, his face noticeably becomes filled of tears and snot.

"You're so strong, my Jungsoo." Heechul continued to hold Jungsoo close, "You idiot, you're the only one that I would fight for,"

"Don't leave please,"

"I can't keep promises but," Heechul chokes up, he was so in love wasn't he? "You're the one I'll always love."

"What about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow will never forget you as my first love."

But there was no tomorrow to this day.