Anything You Ask Of Me: Jordan Knight

76.[Broken By You]

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January; the Year 1993

The next few weeks were hell, to say the least. Ava didn't look forward to waking up in Boston anymore. Jordan was her home here and now she was just a wandering heart without a home. Most days, she would torture himself by listening to the radio, hearing his voice. She forced herself to eat even if she was too down to nourish her body. At night, she cried herself to sleep wondering what he doing and who he was with. Thinking that somebody must be sharing the bed with him. Days felt like months accumulated into one. Roaming the streets of Boston was like walking on eggshells because she was scared she'd stumble into him.

Ava hated herself because she could not see her life without Jordan. He had convinced her of a future together perhaps with a family of their own and she was stupid enough to believe it. Until Jordan, her heart was guarded of all emotions that could make or break a person altogether. Her body sometimes needed relief, his fix. She erased those cravings by replacing them with painful flashbacks of that night. In her dreams, she relived those pleasurable sessions of love with him. Everything felt so real that she'd wake up breathless and flushed. And afterward, she would cry herself back to sleep.

She appeared zombie-like, no color in her skin. The light in her eyes seemed to dim. It became a struggle just to get out of bed. She didn't know why but she felt as if she would never love the same way ever again. What she had to give, Jordan absorbed it. She couldn't even think about getting close to another or falling in love for a very long time.

Her gloomy days had ceased because she forced them to disappear. No longer did she cry but she had locked out all feelings from her heart. Ava knew that this was an unhealthy coping mechanism but she also knew that crying and letting herself waste away wasn't going to solve anything or make anything better. As the days passed, Ava grew colder, her heart was replaced by a hard stone.

Focusing on herself, she took matters into her own hands and decided to leave it all behind. Living in Boston was too much to bear and she was in the process of healing. There was too much to risk. Ava rearranged her educational plan and arranged to get her credits transferred to the college she was originally going to attend before moving. She quit her job a few weeks in advance and thanked Marie for everything. Her mother and stepfather were very supportive of her decision to move back home.

Ava refused to tell them what happened with Jordan. They respected her silence and never questioned her about it ever again. Although at the beginning of the year, she was practically deteriorating from the pain, Ava had managed to pick herself back up. She suffered alone but pushed through like a warrior. It was bittersweet because something good did come from the immense pain she withheld for so long.

♡

The last of her days in Boston, she decided to say her goodbyes. But not in person, she had mailed a letter to Joey thanking him for everything he had done for her. She mentioned the guys and assured them that she would miss them. As for Jordan, she didn't send him anything because she was uncertain of what to say to him. Leaving him in the abyss of bewilderment.

Ava's parents unexpectedly sold the house and moved to another city a couple of hours away. Ava decided to let them go and stay with Raven whilst she prepared her items for the journey back to California.

Raven welcomed her with open arms and a shoulder to lean on. Ava didn't realize how alone she felt until she settled into that home for about a week or more. Raven noticed the person who took Ava's place, it was no longer the sweet somewhat bubbly girl she had met, it was a young woman who was healing. Raven knew that Ava was 'grit and bearing' through the pain.