"Does This Make Me Look Fat?"

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by impasta18

by impasta18

She comes out of the dressing room wearing a beautiful dress.
Her nose is scrunched up as she asks
"Does this make me look fat?"

I sigh.

I want to scream at her, "why is fat the worse thing you could be?"

I want to hug her and tell her that softness is not to be mistaken for weakness.
I want to tell her that she is beautiful whether the dress accentuates the largest part of her or the smallest.

I want to ask her when we all got the idea that fat is the ugliest thing to happen to you.
I want to ask when we will finally be able to change that.
When will we finally be able to breathe instead of sucking it all in?

She asks if she looks fat
and I hear
a life time of crying in dressing rooms and crash diets
and poking at your body in the mirror.
I see a-line dresses and only a-line dresses.
I see middle schoolers with eating disorders.
I see judgemental retail workers
and tears when the store doesn't carry your size.
I see years of waist trainers
and held breaths.
I see all the things that you don't deserve for yourself.

When the question leaves her mouth my brain considers all the other possible questions to be asked.

Does this make me look powerful?

Does this make me look like the queen that I am?

Can you see me conquering the world in this dress?

Does this dress make you feel like a Lizzo song?

Does it make you smile?

Do you just like the dress? Because if YOU like it, the rest doesnt matter.

I swallow all of these things.

Instead, I just laugh and say "no of course not."