The Rules of Womanhood My Mom Shouldn't have Had To Teach Me

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1. When you walk to your car, shove your keys in each of your fingers.

2. If you're walking alone, which by the way you should never be walking alone, but anyway if you're walking alone, dial 911 and keep your finger above the call button just in case.

3. Never leave your drink unattended

4. Never go to someone's house alone.

5. Always tell someone where you are.

6. Always meet in a public place

7. Here's a pocket knife.

8. Do you want a stun gun for Christmas?

9. Don't go walking anywhere at night.

10. Hit them in the nose with the palm of your hand, straight up.

11. Hit em where it hurts.

12. Check the back seat of your car before you get in it.

13. Lock the doors when you leave so no one takes your things.

14. Lock the doors while you're home so no one takes you.

15. Don't answer the door if you're not expecting anyone.

16. Ponytails are easy to grab and therefore make you a bigger target.

17. If a cop is trying to pull you over at night, don't pull over. You can call the police station and just drive there.

18. If you ever find yourself inside a trunk, punch the taillight out and wave your hand for help. (Honestly, how would you go about doing that?)

19. Have you heard of this nail polish that changes color if there is a date rape drug in your drink?

We were all taught to live life on the defense.
I used to think my mom had eyes on the back of her head.
But now I know that all woman develope them when their necks get tired from always looking over their shoulder.
We know how to make weapons out of whatever is within our reach.
Even our hearts.

My male friends often take walks at night,
I run to my car.

My male friends can stumble home, drunk.
I am the designated driver.
I am designated to get myself home.

My male friends say I'm addicted to my phone because I don't want to leave the house with out it.
Having to call the police for any reason never crossed their minds.

But I'm thankful I was taught all this. That caution was as much a part of my growing up Barbies or homework.

I'm not mad that I learned all this.
Just that I had to.

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