Noise in Nine Parts

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by impasta18

by impasta18

I
Its 4am and I am driving to work.
Music is blasting through the speakers but I am too tired to sing along to it.
If the music wasn't on perhaps I would have time to focus on the fact that I am driving to work. Even though I just worked yesterday and I will have to work again tomorrow amd every day for the rest of forever and even though they warned me about this I somehow didnt process the fact that years of my only life will be given to corporations just so I can afford to buy things from them. I somehow got caught in an endless cycle of never having enough time or money. That would be a startling realization had Panic! At The Disco not been playing so loudly. The bass a pleasant distraction.

II
When I get home from work I text my friends. I text them for a while. I ask if anyone wants to hang out and they are all busy. I understand. I wonder if maybe no one actually likes being around me. I turn on Netflix.

III
I finish the season and turn Netflix off. Its quiet now. I check my phone. No notifications. I see myself in the TV screen. I wonder if I've gained weight. Probably, considering how much Netflix ive watched recently. I wonder if we are all wasting our lives watching these other people on Netflix. I wonder how many hours I've spent watching fake people live their fake lives. I turn on a movie. Its one of those movies where the girl likes the boy and the boy likes her back and they are both beautiful and they get everything they deserve. It ends. It ends happily.

IV
I wonder if I will be alone forever and I text a boy. I get left on read so I turn on a podcast and clean my room. Sometimes cleaning my room feels like getting my life together. I clean my room and listen to true crime stories and I do not think about all the boys who do not love me.

V
In the minutes before I fall asleep I think of poetry. I vow to remember that in the morning.

VI
When I wake up, I turn on music and go to work.

VII
My co-workers complain about their lives so I complain too. Sometimes its just to fill the silence.

VIII
In the shower I think about God. When I wrap my towel around myself I check Instagram. Everyone is so beautiful and so happy.

IX
I go to sleep to the sound of the radio and I do not think.