Incoherent Thoughts Organized Into Neat Paragraphs

The Pharisees

I grew up in a church of Pharisees.
A church full of people who probably would've turned Jesus himself away.
Deemed him not tall enough to pass through the gates.
Not up to Our standards.
Standards, standards.
Rules to follow.
Never break.
Break a rule and that's the end.
You'll never be spoken to again.
There is no room for forgiveness here.
Your sin will be weighed on a sliding scale on how valuable you are to us and how much you... Contribute to our cause.
Our pride is loud,
Our aggression passive.
We talk big so we can be heard
We talk long so we will be listened to
We stand tall so everyone can see us.
And it seems cool,
Everyone here is just so... Nice.
The first time.
Before we take our red pens and start editing your story so you can attend.
Our white washed dresses and rock hard hair hiding the death that lies behind our smiles.

Our leaders are led by God,
God is our leader,
Our leaders are god.
My righteousness rests in the restless hands of my leaders.
My faith in human hands,
As if They aren't flesh too
As if they will not slip off the platform
Fall
Like we all do.
But their failings will lead to our falling.
Where do you put your hope when the shoulders you put it on tell you they can no longer bear the weight.
They lean heavily on the pulpit.
As if it can hold them upright
Like a pulpit is not just a wooden box.
As if it can not so easily become a casket.
Buried under the hipocracy and weight of expectations of godliness human men were never supposed to carry.

We do not even notice when we are being divided.
Conquored.
Too busy checking our reflection in the mirror, we are too busy competing
to have community.
we are too preoccupied with our longing to give any of our love.

I did not know what a church was supposed to look like.
I started to avoid church like the weird uncle at family reunions.
Pretending not to hear his jokes.
Only seeing him on the holidays.
Smiling and lying through my teeth.
Of course I love him.
I mean have to.
Hes family.

But
God
Sees his church, and he calls her his bride. Despite all her shortcomings.
He always comes back for her.
He loves her with that unconditional love we are unable to understand.

Delighting myself in the light of the Lord I told him I didn't need anyone else.
Quiet time spent by myself
His word is enough.

He asked me why I did not love the church.
I told him how they hurt me and turned my mind until I didnt even know what was right anymore.
He held my hands so I could feel the holes in his palms.

"Being hurt by someone is no reason to stop loving them. It never stopped me from loving you."