not enough

16 1 1

by impasta18

by impasta18

I offer them my words and it is not enough. Ill never understand
Or
Sorry isnt enough
Or
I didnt ask for your advice.

I offer them my ears and it isnt enough.
Why didnt you say anything?
Or
Why are you so quiet?
Or
Are you even listening.

I offer them my hands and it isnt enough
I can never do anything that will show how deeply I care.
When I reach out my hands to help my fingers turn to thorns and I sting their cheeks like the tears that sting mine as I realize that even when I try to help I only make things worse.

I offer them my heart but it beats to loudly. It keeps them up at night and they do not want it.
And they wonder about the circles under my eyes.

I offer them my tears but they do not want them are always spilling all over everything and making a mess nobody, not even I, want to clean up.

I offer them the breath in my lungs but it is not enough. The air is too cold to breathe. Like trying to inhale January's icy oxygen, it is too hard to breathe and they do not want it.

I tell them I love them and they do not believe me.

Love is not something you can just say.

It is just a word.

I tell them I am sorry and they do not believe me.

Sorry is a religion that no one believes in.

It is just a word.

I do not throw it around carelessly. But gently offer it like communion wine.
A sacred thing.
But a sacred thing is not sacred to someone who is not a believer.

I spill my blood for you and it only seems to make you fall.

You tell me not to blame myself for your pain but how can I not when it was my blood you slipped in.
You would think after all these years I could manage to keep it in my veins.
To keep it to myself.
To keep my pain close to my chest but instead my chest is wide open.
Ribs splayed.
Displaying all of my ugly.
And nobody wants it.

I am somehow entirely too much and achingly never enough at the same time.