Would've given you the moon

Chapter 22

Never disrespect the girl
Who made sure you was good
When nobody else did.

I broke down in tears.

The whole room was quiet and the only thing being heard were my sobs.

Taehyung rubbed my back, "it's okay. Cry it out"

"She's finally letting it out after bottling it in for so long. Everything she's been holding in is now rushing in all at the same time" Jimin says and drinks his cup of alcohol.

Jin sighs, "this hurts. Watching her cry like that"

I was crying really hard and I couldn't stop crying.

"It hurts. It really hurts. Aish, I can't stop crying" I cry.

"Don't stop, let it all out" Taehyung comforts me.

"We're all here to comfort you, so cry" Namjoon says.

After crying so much, I finally stopped.

I took in a shaky breath to calm myself down.

I was completely sober now. Taehyung held me in his arms the whole time as I cried. He didn't once let me go. I haven't cried in front of people in a long time. I haven't cried that much in my entire life either.

"I think that...when everything is all over, it all comes back in flashes. I think a part of me knew that the second I gave him a second chance, this would happen. It wasn't anything he did or said, it was like a feeling. A gut feeling. The crazy thing is, is that I'm not sure if I'll ever feel that way again. I don't know if I should ever feel that way. How can the devil be pulling you towards someone who...who looks like an Angel when he smiles at you. The worst part of it all wasn't losing him, it was losing myself"  I vent to the guys and finally open up to them.

"It's like you're screaming and no one can hear you. It's like you feel ashamed that someone could even be that important and that without them, you're nothing. I don't think anyone will ever understand how much it hurts and how much pain you have to go through. You feel hopeless; almost as if nothing can save you. And when it's over, you kind of wish that you could have it all that bad and painful stuff back, so you could have the good"

"Know that we are really proud of you" hoseok says and puts his hand on my shoulder, smiling.

"It's okay to feel that way. You are allowed to feel that way. He really messed you up and all you ever did was love him"

"He made me feel bad about myself. Whenever we would get into an argument, he would make me feel bad. Whenever I told him how I felt about something I didn't like him doing, he'd make me feel bad. He'd make me regret saying anything at all. I thought that this was normal. Everything he did to hurt me, I thought it was supposed to be like this."

"I made excuses for the way he hurt me. I lost myself in the process of trying to fix him."

"You can't fix someone love, broken people who don't want to be fixed will break you. They can't help it though, it makes them feel better about themselves. They need to want to get better. They need to learn to fix themselves and you staying, trying to fix them and allowing yourself to break won't help them. It isn't helping you either" Namjoon tells me.