Burning Wild

Chapter Three

If someone had told me I would be homeless at thirty years old, I would have believed them. But that's exactly what happened after the wildfires hit the city of Chico. Having no friends or family, meant that I had no one to turn to when my house was destroyed and I had nowhere else to go.

But the fires also helped me see how fortunate I was. Thankfully my job was steady and came with a decent paycheck, so I was able to get a hotel room until I could get my affairs in order. Having money saved up was not something I took lightly, as I knew that many others were not as blessed as I was to have a fallback.

The room was very nice- a private suite with a fully loaded kitchen, a personal Jacuzzi hot tub, and a balcony with a great view of the distant mountains. It was beautiful to see the leaves changing to vibrant crimson, gold, and auburn. It was almost like Harley and I were on vacation. Almost. 

The moment I was checked into the hotel, I jumped in the shower and began scrubbing the smut from my body. I hoped the warm water would ease the tension in my shoulders, and help wash away not just the ash, but the stress of the day, as well. But my wish was in vain, for the steam did little to lessen my anxiety or cleanse the traumatic images from my mind.

As I washed, my fingers faltered over the tender area of my forearm where the fireman had so forcibly dragged me from the burning bedroom. The bruises were already forming, a constant reminder of what the man's bravery had cost. The never-ending guilt consumed me to the point that it was all I could think about. If I had moved just a little faster, had done what he asked without hesitating, could that have meant the difference in his chances of survival? A man was fighting for his life right now because of me, and there was nothing I could do to reverse that fact. 

As I blow-dried my hair, I gazed at myself in the mirror. The person staring back at me seemed different from the woman I had once known. Other than my hair being singed and the mild burn on my hand, I wasn't physically altered. My slender body, brown eyes, and tanned skin were the same as they had been a few hours ago. Yet, I felt changed. Perhaps it was not visible to the naked eye, but on the inside, I was different. The flames hadn't just destroyed down the place I had called home, they had also burned away a piece of who I was. 

Unable to bear the scrutiny any longer, I turned away from my reflection. Overcome with exhaustion, I plopped down on the queen-sized mattress and let out a sigh. Harley nuzzled my shoulder with his snout, and I kissed the top of his head, thankful that we had both made it out of the house alive.

The bed was comfortable, and I wanted nothing more than to rest my weary and overwhelmed body, but I couldn't find respite. I was restless that night, and every little sound put me on edge. The spatter of rain on the tin roof reminded me of the sound of the vicious flames as they devoured everything in their wake. Car alarms in the distance sounded like fire detectors, warning me of my impending death.

The blankets that were once cozy now felt excessively thick. I was suddenly far too warm, and I began kicking them off of my heated body in a panic, feeling as if I was suffocating in the smoke all over again.

I paced around the hotel room for several minutes, trying to slow my agitated heart. When I finally resigned that I wouldn't be able to sleep, I grabbed my keys and hopped in my car without a second thought.

I drove aimlessly for hours, not sure where I was going, but knowing that I needed to be anywhere else. Before I realized it, I was pulling into the parking lot of Central Hospital. I strode through the automatic doors, my mind in a daze, and walked up to the visitor's desk. A tired but friendly nurse swiveled around in her computer chair to greet me.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Yes, I was hoping to see a patient."

"Okay, name?"