Burning Wild

Chapter Twenty-One

I found myself driving around Chico aimlessly for a few hours, just letting the reality of what happened sink in. I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw my numbed reaction staring back. Yesterday's eyeliner was still smeared down my cheeks, a reminder of the perfect day that had ended so tragically.

It felt surreal that less than twenty-four hours ago, I was having the best night of my life. The Christmas party had been a blast, and the night of romance afterward was beyond words.

So how did I get to this point, a destitute with nowhere to go, just driving around without purpose, as the radio blared heartbreak songs in the background?

When the sun began to set along the horizon, I knew I would have to find somewhere to sleep for the night. Not willing to put too much thought into it, I decided to just go back to the hotel where I had stayed before my journey with Jake began.

When I arrived at the reception area, I felt my heart sink. The doors were locked. There was a note on the window stating that the building was temporarily closed due to repairs.

With a sigh, I grabbed my phone and began searching for nearby hotels. I set to work calling each number, but to my dismay, every other hotel in the area was already booked with holiday travelers. There was nothing available within a sixty-mile radius until after the new year.

Perfect. Not only had I been kicked out of Jake's house, but I had nowhere else to stay, either. I was irritated and moody, but I couldn't say that I was surprised. It was two days before Christmas; of course the hotels would be booked. Still, I was so frustrated, that I turned my phone off and tossed it in the floorboard, unable to bear looking at it any longer. 

I sat in the parking lot of the abandoned hotel for a long time, letting the tears fall down my cheeks. Harley gave me a gentle lick, trying to console me. I smiled and patted his head. Even if I had no one else who I could depend on in this life, I would always have Harley, my best friend.

His reassurance gave me the motivation I needed to start the car and pull out of the parking lot.

Without really thinking about it, I drove to the only other place where I'd ever felt safe and secure. It was already dark when I pulled into the driveway of my old home. I stared at what was left of the house, subconsciously running my finger along the burn mark on my right palm. The months spent away had helped me internally heal and become whole again, but the house had not been as fortunate.

It was depressing to see the house in this shape. But that pain was nothing compared to how it felt remembering the last night I'd spent there, not just the near-death experience, or the fear of the unknown that followed the fire, but the fact that this was the first place where Jake and I had met.

The idea made me sad. I remembered how far the two of us had come, just for it to end this way. Somehow I felt as if losing Jake had caused my entire world to fall apart. But that was illogical, because how could you lose something that was never yours, to begin with?

I wanted to kick myself for not having a backup plan. I had always been a prepared person, someone who was cautious in the extreme. Being with Jake had made me comfortable, too comfortable. I had forgotten that his place wasn't supposed to become my home, but a temporary solution until I could find somewhere else to go.

But things had been going so well between us lately that looking for a house had completely slipped my mind. Now I was going to be alone during the holidays, stuck in a bind because I'd come to rely on another person more than I should have.

Through this journey with Jake, I had lost a little of myself along the way. I didn't recognize the woman I had become, the one who put all of her eggs in one basket and placed her well-being in the hands of a man she hardly knew. The old Cat wouldn't have allowed herself to fall this hard for a guy. The old Cat would have had a plan so that she wasn't left sitting in the abandoned driveway of her desecrated home with nowhere to go.