Burning Wild

Chapter Nineteen

Jake's arms were curled around me as he slept soundlessly. Normally by now, the uncomfortable silence would be stretching through the room, as Jake decided that he wanted me to leave, but was too nervous to ask. I knew Jake well enough to be able to read the signs, and would have taken the hint. 

But this time, Jake had made no such indication. Every time I tried to pull away, he subconsciously gripped me tighter, his arms wrapped around my body like I was his lifeline.

I wasn't sure if Jake had actually wanted me to stay the night, or if he was just too drunk to tell me to go. But I didn't care which of the two it was. I basked in the moment, not knowing when or if it would happen again.

Although it was probably just the alcohol working its magic, last night Jake had let me in more than he had ever done in the past. It made me hopeful that he would realize that he could trust me. Perhaps if I was patient enough, there would be a day far down the line when we would grow past the point of just being friends. I couldn't help but hope.

Last night... the words lingered in my mind. 

The interaction had been surreal. If I closed my eyes, I could see the desire in his ravenous brown irises. I could still feel Jake's fingers caressing my skin, sending tingles down my spine. The sensation was addictive, and I found myself longing for the feeling over and over again.

I was happy to lie with Jake and watch as his chest expanded and collapsed, his mind drifting peacefully in some fantasy world that only he could see. He was innocent and carefree when he slept. It was refreshing, seeing Jake that way. He was untroubled when lost in the depths of unconsciousness. The minute worry lines faded a little, making him look more his age.

Tears pricked at my eyes as I thought about the old Jake. What an amazing man he must have been before the cruelties of this world tarnished him. As incredible and selfless as he was now, I couldn't help but wonder what he would have been like if he hadn't been hurt by those he loved the most. This life had destroyed a piece of him, had ruined the last bit of the puzzle that made him whole. Now it would never be finished; there would always be a gaping hole inside of Jake that would never feel complete. But when he slept, I saw a little of who Jake had been before Elena and the kids left him.

I ran my fingers gently over his smooth, tan cheek, a sense of sadness filling me at how unfair a hand he had been dealt. He was so serious in day to day life, haunted by the ghosts of his past to the point that he forgot how to be happy. If only he could find a way beyond his demons, could find his way back to the man he used to be, then maybe we would have a chance. 

For the first time since we had gotten together, I felt like Jake had feelings for me beyond friendship. No matter how much he might deny it aloud, I could see it in his eyes as he held me the whole night through. After our hours of lovemaking, I was filled with optimism that things with Jake could take a turn for the better. Jake's ex-wife may have broken him, but seeing him now gave me faith that it wasn't beyond repair.

I didn't want to leave the comfort of Jake's arms, but I was too energized to lie in bed any longer. My mind was hyper, reinvigorated from the sensation of having Jake's body on mine. I pried Jake's arms gently off of me and crawled slowly from beneath the sheets. After planting a gentle kiss on Jake's cheek, I tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs, leaving him to sleep in.

I walked around the house for a little while, searching for something to do. I knew if I tried to relax, my thoughts would linger on yesterday. Although it was the most romantic moment of my life, my night of passion with Jake only made my situation harder. My feelings were more mixed up than ever before. 

I was disappointed to see that Mariana still wasn't home. I was happy for her and Dwayne, but I wished that she was there to take my mind off of things.