Yours Truly, Me (Troyler)

✉️Chapter 2✉️

Troye POV

It's been two years since I've written that first letter. I don't know if he's ever read them, but since I've sent tons now, I suppose it safe to assume he's read at least one. Probably more.

It's been two years since I've written that first letter to Tyler Oakley, and I've just met him in person. For the sake of today, I'm going to go on the hope that he's read all of my other letters before. And basically, I've just met him, and he knows everything about me, but he doesn't know anything about me.

When I visited him in his hotel room, after he texted me wanting a selfie, we talked for hours. But mostly about him. And mostly just about life. I shied away from things that were super personal, like my love life, but I learned a lot about his. Did you know that Tyler Oakley has slept with exactly 12 different people before? Me either!

Honestly, sitting there next to him after hearing my soul and my entire existence to him and pretending that I've never talked to him other than Skyping before May have just broken my heart a little.

Here he is, the only person who knows pretty much my every waking thought, yet here I am, the boy he doesn't know much about, other than being a YouTuber/amateur singer who just started vlogging and is relatable to fangirls everywhere.

After my last letter, he knows that I have somewhat of a crush on him.

But at the same time, he has no idea I'm even into guys.

He knows. But he doesn't know.

He knows everything about me. He knows nothing about me. There is no in between.

My little crush on him, I'm hoping, was just caused by the euphoria of being around him after wanting to meet him for so long, and for everything he 'knows' about me, and for him being a totally unattainable celebrity pretty much, and just being in his physical presence after talking to him virtually and indirectly for so long.

God, I'm a mess.

But in truth, I'm not stupid enough to fall for totally unattainable people. I have boundaries. And I definitely felt something when I met Tyler. Not that he noticed, of course, and it's better that way.

I'm pretty sure I don't know what love is. How can I even say I felt it, when I don't know what it is?

Or do I? I do have to find out from experience at some point.

Oh my God I'm overthinking this. 1.) I live across the world from him. 2.) I've met him in person once. 3.) I've never dated, he's dated plenty. 4.) ( this doesn't bother me so much as contribute to things that could definitely get in the way ) He's way older than me, and I'm barely 18.

Besides, it's the euphoria, anyways.

But I promised myself I'd be honest I'm every single one of my letters. So, I told him. I may have held back a bit, but I don't know how I feel about the whole thing, so maybe I really didn't hold back.

Not to mention, that he knows me and me, but he has two different faces for us. Even though we're one and only, the same person, Troye Sivan Mellet.

But let's not dwell on Tyler. At Playlist, I met some other interesting people too, like Marcus Butler, Connor Franta, Zoë Sugg, Caspar Lee ( though I've known him for a while from Spud. He doesn't know I'm gay or depressed or anything else either ) Joe Sugg, the Harries twins, and a ton of other people.

Speak of the devil, I begin to receive a Skype call from someone. I check who it is, and see that it's Tyler. I answer immediately.

I brighten up automatically when I see his face, but I feel my smile fall a bit when I notice his expression. "What's wrong, Ty?"