A/N: this was requested by the lovely farietale200 . I really hope it's what you wanted. I would also like to mention DannyRicc17 and priyasara24 and ButtercreamPrincess . They have all written with Ayrton before and I haven't seen anything else on here with him, so if you know a book featuring him, please hit me up.
I was inspired by ricciardosangel for the layout of this chapter so all creds to her as well. She has written a beautiful one shot with Jules Bianchi. You should check out all of these lovely people🥰
"I'm pregnant"
Word count: 2087
May 1, 2019
Dear Ayrton,
I thought it was supposed to get easier with time, but I was wrong. People kept telling me, that it will get better, but that's a lie. They lied. It doesn't get better, and it doesn't get easier. Not a day passes by, without me thinking of you. Thinking of what my life would have looked like today if you hadn't passed. It was too soon. Way too soon.
You said it yourself; that season was going to be filled with accidents, that no small accidents happen on that circuit. You were right. You knew it wasn't safe, but you decided to do it. Would you not have done it if I had told you not to? You were not a man to follow instructions, so would you have listened to me? Could I have been the one saving you? Is it my fault? I still blame myself. I know I shouldn't, but there is no other way.
You were the man of my dreams. The man I never thought I would meet, but I did. You were my happiness, my life. You were the one person, that I could always trust. I told you all my secrets, because i knew you would keep them safe. You were my anchor, the one holding me down. You were everything I needed. You ARE everything I need. I will never be able to find a person like you ever again.
I remember the first time, I saw you in those red overalls. I had never believed in love at first sight, but you changed my mind. I knew I had to talk to you. The light in your eyes told me so. Those eyes I could stare into for hours. Chocolate brown and glistening like honey in the sunshine. They were filled with the light from your soul, with curiosity, passion, and most importantly; love. When I couldn't see the light in your eyes, I felt lost. They were the ones guiding me home to you.
It's been 25 years since that horrible day in May, yet I remember it, as if it was yesterday. You told me you had a surprise for me after the race. I was excited about what it was and for the only time that weekend I saw the beautiful smile on your lips. I didn't tell you, but I had a surprise for you too.
You didn't seem like yourself for that whole weekend, but I understood. You knew formula 1 was a dangerous sport, but it still shook you to see a serious crash, let only two in two days. When Rubens crashed in practice on friday, you knew, it was going to continue. Like you had predicted before the season started; a lot of accidents were going to happen. Luckily Rubens was fine. Shaken, but fine. On Saturday it was worse. Roland had crashed and the medical staff wasn't able to save him.
It had been 12 years since the last driver had given his life to the sport, and to say that everyone was shocked, would be an understatement. I saw you pacing around your room like never before. You were usually always talkative, but for hours, not a single word got past your lips. It was hard seeing you upset. I wanted to try to cheer you up, but I felt it was better to just let you handle it yourself.
On the next day was when my world shattered around me. You told me you had a surprise for me and told me you loved me before going in the car. Although you were still upset about what had happened to Roland, you seemed a bit happier than the previous day. For me it was like any other race day. I was happy for you, but still worried sick on the inside, something I never showed you. Because of the surprise I had for you as well, I couldn't wait for the race to finish, so that I could finally share some good news with you. I was eagerly waiting for you to return. But you never did.
