i came out to my mom
but it wasn't on my own accord
at my school we have this thing called earth jam and basically there are chalk drawings my the students and face paint and club booths and snow cones and dippin dots
i got the bi flag painted on my face
also haha a little face reveal
i'm in the car rn
and so my mom was like "whatcha got on your face?"
and i said "something"
and then she put her finger on it and said "what flag is that"
so i started having a lil anxiety attack because i wasn't prepared for that even though i knew it was going to happen when i was in line for it
so i said "bi"
and she was like "is this how you feel"
and i was like "it is how i feel"
and she was like "was that so hard"
and i was like "kinda yeah"
and i'm really scared about her talking to me later because she always says something to me after something happens and i know it's not gonna be bad because my older sibling is non binary and bi and my little sister is pan so she isn't going to be homophobic but she'll say something about how i should always trust her and i shouldn't be scared to tell her things and that kind of stuff but i'm still scared because being bi is such a big part of me and telling someone about it is just so scary
now i feel like i should come out to my dad because if i could do that then i should be able to tell him but it's still really scary because it wasn't my choice to come out and i was practically forced
i always say things like "if they find out oh well i don't care" but i really do and i hate myself for it
i convince myself i'm not scared until it actually happens
and then i'm terrified
so i really don't know if i should come out or not
i mean it as i'm actually indecisive
i guess that's enough for now
