hope they dont see this but if they do then oh fuken well maybe theyll see how i feel cause confrontation is not my strong suit
we've been best friends since the beginning of sixth grade, so almost 6 years.
my relationship with my best friend has always been a little tense, we always joked about how we were like an old married couple because we would bicker about everything and anything, and dont get me wrong we still do, its just that we never communicated with each other, and we still dont, hence this.
lmao listening to WAP
anyway, there was a point where they became a lot closer with another one of our friends and would hang out with them like every weekend, which is fine, until they started inviting me as a backup plan, like just in case he wasnt able to make it i could come but if he was coming i wasnt. this was actually one of the only things i actually brought up to them that make me feel bad.
im gonna follow up with something petty so i can get progressively more self pitying.
recently theyve been calling everyone their bestie when talking to me which wouldnt have been a big deal if they didnt stop calling me bestie too we even talk less which is fair bc of what im gonna talk about
a few months ago they started hanging out with shitty people and i was like hey these are shitty people and they were like "okay." so i thought they would maybe distance themself from them a little but then they started hanging out with them more. i told them that one of the people they really liked being friends with had harassed my friend for months over something that was not his business and theyre only response was "but i like him, hes funny and my friend, and i rock with him"
to be fair they ate at the same lunch spot for most of the year its just that i never saw them interact a whole lot before all of this started happening
i got in an argument with my other friend that i had known for around the same time, all of us are friends, but i was more forgiving of her because she actually knew these people like years before they were shitty, and she actually acknowledged that what i was saying was really important to me, but my best friend treated it as something lighthearted and something i could just laugh off, it felt like they didnt think what i was saying mattered just because they liked those people.
so obviously i kept pushing it and they just kept brushing it off so i just dont bring it up anymore.
like theyre going to therapy and everything and they keep saying theyre getting better and happy for them but i still deserve to be listened to.
so anyway that put a huge strain on my side of the relationship at least, and theyre parents keep doing shitty things and i get that its hard to deal with and im trying to be there but theyve just been snapping at me recently, and it feels like our whole relationship is dependent on their mood bc if theyre happy then theyre all affectionate and nice but when theyre upset, it feels like they take it out on me.
cause i get im not the most empathetic person but how can i do anything when you just get mad at me for trying to understand
another petty thing is they keep saying theyre going to do things and when i ask if theyre gonna actually do it or if theyve done it they get mad at me. they told me that everything they say is genuine but when i treat their words as if they are, it backfires.
this literally happened yesterday and they got mad and instead of telling me they needed to be alone or didnt want to talk to me anymore they told me they were going to the bathroom. i knew they werent going to come back. they stood next to me contemplating it for a whole minute. the last thing i would have expected before all this was that they would lie to me to get away from me.
ive told my other friends about the situation because i dont know what to do. i love my best friend and im glad theyre getting better and theyre happier but i just cant deal with it anymore, i have too many mixed feelings right now and its getting harder to be around them. i just need some space.
i was telling my sister about it and she told me to stop being friends with them but i cant just do that. i love them so much theyre such a big part of my life and theyre so important to me. theyre my best friend and maybe im just taking things too literally but i dont know if they see me as theirs anymore. i could never stop being friends with them, and i could never just bring up my concerns. and if we're still friends after this is over id probably just bury all of this and act like it never happened because theyre the last person i could stand to lose.
i might just be dramatic but our friendship has never felt like this before and i dont know how to deal with feeling like this. ive never gone through this before. theyre my best friend, theyre like my whole world and i cant handle the fact that i might not be theirs anymore.
its gotten to the point where im mad when they dont show up for class but i feel relief that i dont have to talk to them, and im happy we arent hanging out on the weekends but im upset because they arent asking.
i just feel too many conflicting feelings right now to actually make a sound decision and i want to talk to my mom because i talk to her all the time about this kind of stuff but i would refuse to listen to any advice and i just cant let her know that im feeling things right now and i cant let her know that the two people who said theyd be best friends forever are having a hard time.
