Currently it is like 3 am. I'm too lazy to look at the clock. I'm doing this on my phone. I don't know why but I find texting and typing almost therapeutic. But that's not the point. I haven't had a meal in 2 days. I'm on these pills for my ADD which, it took my parents like 8 years to even consider something was wrong with me. I've always done poorly in school. I have a lack of concentration, I can't focus on anything (seriously I cannot remember the last time I was ever focused on something. I'm literally listing to my fan blowing air and watching a bug repeller pulsate blue while writing this and thinking about how my stomach is empty. The blue thing makes an extremely low frequency sound that only rodents and insects can hear and apparently it annoys the crap out of them so they leave. Anyway, I need to get back on track). I can't organize anything in my life even if I try, I have a bad memory, I am a very irritable person. I've been like this since kindergarten yet my parents just thought, "hey maybe something's wrong with our child."
Anyway, I'm in this medication that makes you lose your appetite. I'm supposed to take it after breakfast but if I eat breakfast I get stomach aches, idk why. (I wake up @ like 9). So I eat like a fourth of a pop tart and then I feel really shitty. So then it's like 4pm or something and I start to feel hungry-ish and I've suppress my need to eat all the time so I'm actually used to the feeling of being empty, it's kind of comforting in a way(that's a topic for a different day😁). So then I don't eat dinner and I stay up until like 3ish(as you can see).
Then the day before, and yesterday, something happened. I don't know what it was, maybe from lack of food, maybe it was some kind of panic attack, but my head felt really weird, almost like the crown of my head was much cooler than the rest of my head, the exterior of my body was super warm, my heart was racing, my hands were shaking. I was watching Love, Simon(btw 420/10 would recommend) with my mom, sister, and older sibling and I just ignored it. It went away for like a couple minutes near the end.
Then my sister put on The Greatest Showman(the soundtrack is FILLED with bops) and I felt worse, so I went to my room and just laid(lied? Idk) on my floor for an hour, because I felt like it, and I felt better. I laid against my bed and just kinda scrolled through some online clothes stores(men's clothing are HELLA cute), I listened to some Dodie(I'm so gay for her), some P!ATD, FOB, MCR, and Paramore. Then I realized it was hella dark so I've been in my bed ever since.
I did have an ice cream cookie bar that my mom brought home from her and my sis and sib going to skyline chili(I didn't want to go. I felt sick from eating that pop tart part).
So now I'm just chillin with my cat debating on whether to get some pringles or not(prolly not. It's too late). Dodie should make another album. I love her so much. She's so cute and squishy😭😭
I finally looked @ the clock. It's 3:45😭
Why can't I just fall asleep😭😭
Update: My little sisters bday party is today and I'm having a friend over. I ate a granola bar and took my pill and I feel normal except my heart is beating a little fast 👍🏻👍🏻
Anyway... imma work on my Chaelisa.
STAN BLACKPINK
Ily guys even though I'm pretty sure it's just me here.
Buh byeee💜💜
