I'll Protect Her |H.S| *On Hold*

Chapter 25

I lay lifeless on my bed. Everything was so quiet. I slowly closed my eyes, listening to my breathing fill the room.

"A recurring nightmare?" Harry burst through my door, yelling.

I jumped, my heart beat sped up and the air was knocked from chest.

"Really Jessica? I could've fucking guessed that!" Harry shouted, he tightly gripped the railing at the end of the bed.

"W-what?" I stuttered, my fear radiating off me, feeding Harry's fury.

"You're obviously mentally unstable." Harry viscously spat.

My heart stopped. The hurt of his words spreading across my entire body. His words triggered all my unwanted memories. I felt the tears prick my eyes. Why would he say that?

"And it's not like your helping yourself by telling us nothing." He stated, tightening his grip on the railing even more.

"I ask Louis and Liam to drop everything they're doing and come here to see you. Hoping that, because you seem to like them, you might tell them what the fuck is going on!"

"You don't know what's good for you Jessica." He said quietly under his breathe, looking down. But I still heard him.

Harry took a few deep breathes and moved on to the bed.

I was shaking with fear now. Would he hit me?

No, he wouldn't. He's supposed to protect me, not hurt me.

He sat opposite me and reached for my hands. I immediately drew them back and hid them behind my back.

A flash of hurt crossed his face. He furrowed his eyebrows. He looked upset.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

I starred at him skeptically. I couldn't determine whether he was being sincere or just saying sorry to get me to speak.

"I'm still trying to adjust to all this too." He continued.

"I've never really been around someone as delicate and fragile as you before. All I've ever known is..." He stopped talking mid sentence. He looked unsure. Like he couldn't decide if he should keep going or not.

"When I talk to you, I feel like I can tell you anything. I've never had that before." He said, putting his hand under my chin and tilting my head up.

"It scares me." He whispered.

I gulped. I almost flinched when he touched me. He was so intimidating. But my fear grew less as the softness in his eyes grew more.

Fuck it. I thought. He may as well know.

"When my parents died, I went to a therapist." I spoke.

Harry nodded and lowered his hand from under my chin. He paled slightly but I decided to ignore it and continue.

"I used to get the same nightmare every night. It haunted me. I was so scared to go asleep." I closed my eyes and felt a single tear run down my cheek. "I was diagnosed with sleep deprivation." I added in a whisper.

"I became very sick. I couldn't sleep or eat. I had zero energy so I used to pass out frequently." I starred at Harry. He was listening but he was starring down at his hands, he wasn't looking at me.

He looked.....guilty? No, not guilty. Sympathetic maybe? I couldn't really tell.

"But each time I passed out, I'd receive a flachback. Most of the time my flashbacks are triggered by something I see or hear that brings on a memory." I tried my best to explain.

Harry nodded, but his head remained down. Why wouldn't he look at me?

"Eventually I was admitted to hospital. I was given various pills. Pills to help me sleep, anti-depressant pills, pills to stop the pain."

"Pain?" Harry asked, looking up at me.

"I was very sick Harry. I was dehydrated and I starved myself. I was in a lot of pain, I was very weak." I told him. I was starting to get upset remembering the months I spent in that hospital. Alone with my thoughts.

"And I just remember thinking, 'What's the point? What's the point of living?' Well, that's the thing. I wasn't living. I was just surviving." I whispered, reliving all the feelings I felt when I was trapped in that stupid mind of mine.

"So when I was discharged from hospital, I continued to see my therapist. I told her about the way I had felt in the hospital. About my thoughts." I sighed.

"I was classified as 'mentally unstable'." I whispered. Harry's head snapped up. I looked into his eyes.

They were watery. But he wasn't crying.

"Jess, I'm so sorry." He looked scared.

"When I said it, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean it like that, I swear." He breathed, looking desperate for me to believe him.

I nodded. He starred at me for a while and began to calm down. He stayed silent and looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"I was suicidal." I told him.

He pulled his lower lip into his mouth with his teeth and tears finally slid down his face, but he quickly wiped them away.

"Did you- " Harry quietly began to ask but was interrupted by the banging that had erupted downstairs.

"Fuck." He whisper cursed.

Harry quickly exited the room and ran down the stairs. I followed him but decided to stop half way down the stairs.

The constant banging was coming from the door. Harry's hand hesitantly hovered over the door handle. He looked up at me and I nodded.

He quickly twisted the handle and opened the door.

And surprise surprise it was Zayn again.

He stomped past Harry and went straight in to the sitting room, angry as ever. Harry was just about to close the door until a sobbing Brooke stepped inside too.

She looked a mess. Her black eye makeup now half way down her face. This should be good....