Ikapitong Kabanata
Hopeful
I was being honest. I am frightened of his thoughts and his every decision. I am petrified the way he answered without a blink and no havering in his eyes.
He is too valorous for me and I don't think I can handle every fear I will have for the both of us.
"You are afraid of me." He slowly said, letting my words sink in. His gaze lowered. "Why?"
Pumirmi ang mga kamay niya sa gilid ng aking bewang. "I'm sorry, did I catch you off-guard? Are you uncomfortable?"
Mabilis akong umiling. "N-no." Pagsagot ko. "I don't know, Admiral." We are too good for each other that if we become together it will only be bad for the both of us.
I don't want to be afraid but I can't help thinking of the future. Every damn time that we aren't together, I will be clouded with threatening thoughts about his safety. What if he chooses to be the hero that everyone needs? I don't want someone heroic. I want someone who can always come home to me, safe and serene.
My heart is too fragile and I can't handle distance as big as his job asks him to. Ayokong palibutan na lang lagi ng takot na hindi siya magpakita kasi may nangyari nang hindi maganda. If one time, he failed to save someone, it will ruin him.
"Adira, hey," malumanay ang kaniyang boses nang tawagin ako.
Hindi ko namamalayan na humigpit na pala ang kapit ko sa kaniya. Tinignan ko ang mga mata niyang nag-aalala. There are many things I want to tell him but I can't. I don't have the right and the guts to tell him that I don't want his job for us.
"You don't want my answer, do you?" He suddenly asked.
Maang akong napatingin sa kaniya bago iniwas ang aking tingin. "For some reasons, I dislike it." Pag-amin ko.
His hands captured my palms and held it tight. Binigyan niya ako ng isang ngiti bilang pampalubag-loob ngunit hindi iyon naging sapat. Nothing can make me at ease.
"You are one of the people that I am always choosing to save first, Adira." He assured. "Matters got worse, you can always count on me."
Tinangay ako nang lumangoy siyang muli. I don't want him to think that I am greatly affected by his life so I swim beside him. He is back to being playful again, pulling me deeper under the waters and swimming away from me.
Hindi ko na namamalayan ang oras nang umahon ako. Siya ay patuloy sa paglangoy palayo sa akin.
"I'm tired," Parinig ko.
Mabilis siyang tumungo sa harap ko at lumapit. "Do you want to eat?"
Umiling ako. "I think I need to check Julianna in our tent. Kailangan na naming umalis."
His mood changed. I can feel him stiffened when I said that we need to go.
Kapuwa kami'y may panghihinayang na nakatingin sa isa't-isa. He gently pulled my arm, guiding me back to the shore.
"You know where to call me, right?" Tanong niya.
"As long as you didn't change your number," I nodded, finishing my statement.
"Good. Call me anytime, whenever you need me, Adira."
I weirdly looked at him. "Talaga? Hindi ba ay lagi kang busy?"
My mind wondered off again. What if I decided to call him and he is on his duty, and it will be because of me if something bad happened to him. Oh god!
He chuckled, bahagya siyang tumingala nang tumawa. "It will be fine, Adira. As long as you can hear my phone ringing, I am available."
I bit my lower lip. "Okay," He let go of me when we set foot on the sand. "I guess I need to go." Mabagal kong sabi.
BINABASA MO ANG
Forlorner: Fill The Space #Wattys2019
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