The Alpha Hunts

Chapter 46

-edited-

Cassandra POV:

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Day After Calvin's Death
***

I lay down, holding onto CJ as he has finally gone to sleep. Francis and Princeton just clueless as to what's going on. They have no idea what they've lost yesterday. I feel like I'm hurting for them too. But the simple fact that we've known each other our whole lives and we were married for six years. I want this pain to go away.

I can't deal with this, Calvin has done nothing but amazing things, no matter how great of a person he was he was a even better husband and father. He didn't deserve this. He's won way too many fights and battles, to go out the way that he did. It's unfair.

I miss him so much, I feel like a part of me is dead. I want to apologize for all our fights, and go back to the day he proposed, where everything was so perfect and could only get better. I want to see his beautiful eyes again, I want him to hold me in his arms, I want to put my head on his chest and fall asleep to his heart beat.

I start to play with CJ hair as I tempt to calm myself. The thoughts and memories of him, it just makes me angry. Angry because I feel like I don't have enough memories of him, angry because I feel like I'm missing shoulder memories, angry because I won't be able to make any more. But the end is never really the end though, when has it ever just ended.

"Mommy," I look down at CJ who was in the process of wiping a tear off his cheek, "you're crying." He tells me. As I touch my face I realize that he's right, and I was crying on to him. "Is it because daddy's gone?" I tuck my lips between my teeth and nod my head. "It's ok mommy, daddy said if anything ever happened to him that I have to man up and protect the family." He gives me the biggest hug he can. "I won't let anything happen." I hug him back before kissing his forehead.

"I love you CJ." I tell him.

"I love you too mommy."

About an hour later CJ friends asks him if he wants to play, he said no, until I convinced him it would be ok and to be careful. Francis and Princeton are woke, and I haven't been able to take my eyes off of Princeton, for how grateful I am for being left with three wonderful memories of Calvin.

A lot of people live to leave a legacy, a mark on the world so they live on even after they've died. Calvin most certainly did that. As I, reluctantly, mention. I'm pretty sure he's left a mark on every female he was with, he became an Alpha and even as a married in, he stood stronger than me, he has three handsome sons, one of which adores and idolizes him, and two who will only hear stories about how amazing their dad was.

I wish I could switch places with him, I hate thinking about the future, I hate feeling hopeless and empty without him.

How am I going to raise three boys on my own, every boy needs a father figure to look up to. Who will they look up to? Who's going to help them when they have male questions in the future, they're not going to want to talk to me about things like that. It'll be mayhem, and I don't want CJ to forget the memories he has with Calvin either, as he gets older they will fade. They always fade.

I look back and forth between Francis and Princeton. My beautiful twin boys, so frail, innocent, defenseless, and dependent. I no longer share the responsibility with my spouse. Everything they want and need, they'll be completely reliant on me. No pressure there.