Sierra Nevada (XXX)

7

7 Memories

We walked back to the campsite hand in hand. I rejoiced in his warm and constant touch. Given what I knew of him and his personal relationships, I let the feeling of his hand in mine imprint in my memory. I was positive that it would be a rare occurrence. His hand was warm, very warm and soft. He could have grabbed my hand like a child does their mother's, just clasped it, but he laced his fingers between mine. His hand dwarfed mine. My fingertips extended just past his knuckles, his nearly touched the center of the back of my hand. Another turn on for me. Damn! His fingers were long. I wanted to play with them. How many of those damn things did I have and how many was he going to trigger? His hand was strong too. FUCK! Another. Did he know that about himself? It seemed possible he was far more aware of his own sexuality that he would ever let his fans know. Was I still just his fan? I was his fan. That was true and I doubted that would ever change no matter what happened between us, but was I just that to him. I really needed to know before I lost the rest of my heart to him, but I sure was afraid to ask.

We reached the camp and we had to let go of each other's hands. I didn't want to. I looked at him and knew instinctively that he didn't either. But we had to, so I let go of his hand.

"I'll get our packs." I turned my attention to getting our packs out of the tent before I could act on what was racing through my mind.

"Thank you." He said almost numbly. I hastily grabbed our packs and climbed back out of my tent. I handed him his and started looking through the food I had stashed in mine. I pulled out a pack I had made for after a run and a replenishment packet for my water. Then headed over to my rock. I sat on my rock and he sat with his food and water on his. I mixed my packet into my water and opened the bag of dried fruits berries nuts and jerky. I looked over at him with a piece of jerky tucked in my cheek.

He laughed. "You are the cutest chipmunk I have ever seen."

I tried not to choke. "Thank you? I think." He clutched his sides and rocked on his rock, caught in a silent laugh. Then his laughter filled the valley. The sun caught in his hair and lit the auburn strands within the chestnut on fire. It shone down on him like he was an angel. He looked like one. One laughing hysterically at me. He finally sobered enough to answer.

"You're welcome." I don't know how his eyes contained all that happiness and laughter but they did. They were bluer than I thought I would ever see.

"Are your eyes blue? I thought they were green, maybe brown." I just looked at him, lost and really confused.

"They are both. All of those. They are blue in the sunlight and when I am really happy. The brighter the sun the bluer my eyes are. They look green as the light starts to fade and in the sunset or sunrise they are brown. I think it has to do with the light that they absorb and the color of it." He smiled

"Yours are grey-blue right now. They were the same this morning and green and a golden brown last night in the firelight and sunset. They are very beautiful. I. I. Really like them."

I blushed and looked down. "Yours are beautiful. I love them. I like what I see in them. Always have." I couldn't help it. The words just fell out of my mouth. I heard him move then saw his boots, still untied, a few inches from mine.

"Why do you do that?"

"What?" I almost cried mortified.

"Look down like that when someone compliments you? Do you always do that or is it just me?"

"It could be just you. You make me feel all topsy-turvy inside and I don't know what to do about it." I felt his hand on my chin and the other on my bag of food. He was most considerate. He secured my food and pulled my eyes up to meet his. They weren't that far away but they weren't too close.

"Same." His look was stern and soft all in the same moment. How did he do that? "We'll figure it out." He said confidently. "I like you too." He handed me back my food and sat down next to me. "Can I sit here?"

"Sure." I nodded as I spoke. It was all that I could say at the time. I picked out an almond from my bag and ate it. I was wrestling with those topsy-turvy feelings he was causing in me. He hadn't helped them at all. I don't think he was trying to. He was working on his own. Did he just say that I made him feel the same way? He did. I was in trouble for sure. Alone in the wilderness with a man that I was not only attracted to in a very carnal way, but I had feelings for too. It was no help knowing that he was in the same boat. We ate in silence for a long while. He startled me when he broke the silence.

"What did you put in there?" I jumped at the sound of his voice. "I honestly don't know if I should be offended by the fact that you are so jumpy. It seems like you forget that I am here. That can't be a good thing." He seemed a little crestfallen but not too far off kilter.

"I'm really sorry. I am not typically a jumpy or forgetful person. It's just. I. I get caught up in my thoughts and with you near they are really deep. So I get lost in myself. I don't mean to ignore you and I don't think forgetting you is possible."

"You don't?"

"No. Do you remember the day we met?"

"Yes."

"You do!?" I was beyond shocked.

"It was your birthday. You wore a pink stash pinned to a peeps shirt and a Jack Skellington beanie. You gave me a brown bag at meet and greet. I drank the tea with the honey, thank you. You wrote my name on the outside of the bag with little ivy around it. I still have it."

I fought to close my mouth. "You remember all of that. With the way you looked at the bag, I thought I spelled your name wrong."

"No, you didn't. It was the ivy around my name. It sparked an idea. Sorry."

"No worries. I still can't believe you remember."

"You closed your eyes and turned your head to hear Kevin sing during private performance. You looked at me once or twice. It was really cute. Yes, I remember. You were with your friends and though you were very nice, you were closed off. Mitch caught it. I caught it. You watched over your friends, pushed them in front of you, made sure that they would all have a good experience. And Kirstin scared you. I laughed by the way. That was really funny. She felt really bad about that. How much of that did you save for yourself?" He looked at me in all seriousness. I was still in shock. That was over a year ago and he still remembered. I didn't think I was all that remarkable.

"I remember that we talked about Lou Malnati's and Chicago style pizza. I don't like it by the way. I thought you said Illuminati."

"You did?"

"Uh Huh"

"Oh, Jeeze." He started laughing again.

"I'm glad I can make you laugh." I pouted.

"You're too fucking cute! I remember you watching me talk to your friends. I remember what you were saying when I took that picture of you talking. I was surprised you posted it but what you said was funny as hell. I knew then that I'd like you a lot. You were quiet and you observed. I like those qualities. Plus the way you looked at me. You just looked at me like hugging you was what I was meant to do. When we did. I thought it was." He smiled. It was nice to hear the experience from his point of view.

"My hand caught in your jacket. I don't even remember where you put your hands."

"On your back. Yours were on mine. They were very warm and strong. It was comforting. You give great hugs."

I took that compliment in stride. I loved hugging. "I love hugs."

"Me too." I was in his arms in a heartbeat.