My self image

Chapter 23

I opened my eyes, it was dark which had to mean it was night time. Carefully I grabbed my phone to check the time, 06:12am..... It was morning already, woah. I felt sadness inside, not only because I was here, that sad feeling of being here will go away when I can go. However the sad feeling I had right now was different....it was because my dream, the memory of Sady being in the hospital. It made me see how much our family had changed, I remeber that when we were young I used to say to Sady 'I love you, you're the best sister ever.' We had a bond, but I can't even imagine me saying that to her, she probably feels the same way. What happend?.... Mom changed too, she used to be this lovely, caring lady who knew something was wrong before I would know it myself. Now she's the working business woman who never has time for her family, not even now. Dad too, he used to be this funny, happy guy that was like dad of the year every time. Now he's so cold and just does the take care stuff but not with joy or love, just because he has to. On the other hand, he got só emotional and out of control of his emotions, the anger, the sadness....mostly the anger though. The only one who has changed in a good way is Logan, he became the mom ánd dad, not this mom and dad but the ones they were five years ago. Logan used to be this annoying boy who would do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, I don't know what changed or when or why. But Sady..... she changed into this princess who could never get pleased, or the joker who makes fun of everyone, no matter they're feelings.

Me and dad are sitting in the waiting room of a therapist, I apparantly need therapy. This is the second time, mom was there too, firsly I came in and chatted with her for about half an hour and then my parents would get in and they would get lectured. 'I can't believe you let it come this far.' I heard her say to mom and dad. I had no idea what she was talking about, what has come this far? Why does she even care? I had no expectations for today. 'Lilian Waters?' The woman asked. 'That's her.' Dad said and stood up to shake her hand. 'Welcome back, you can come with me first and after we're done I will chat with your dad about what we have disgusted.' She said with a friendly smile. I don't know why but I didn't trust her, not even a bit. We went to sit down in her office, it was small and cold, like a prison cell. 'Sit down Lilian, can I get you a drink?' She asked me.'No thank you....''I said. What is she trying to do? 'So Lilian, tell me a little bit about your self image'She tells me. 'My- my self image? Why do you want to know that?' That woman doesn't need to know how I think about myself, ugh. 'Just try and tell me a little bit, it's quite important.' She looks very serious. 'Pfff....alright, I don't think very good about myself to be honest.'I told her. We stayed talking for about an hour about how I feel and think of myself, my character, my body image, my intelect, basically everything. It made me feel weird and uncomfortable saying it out loud, even more by telling it to a stranger.

Later this day I'm sitting in my room watching tv while having lunch. I'm normally not supposed to be alone when I need to eat but mom couldn't work from home she needed to be at some meeting quikly, and Logan can't take care of all our siblings on his own, it would be handy if Lisa would help him out but you will never see her doing anything for someone else. Anyways dad needed to be there so I'm all alone. I'm watching some sitcom since there's nothing else to watch. My soup is getting cold slowly but I refuse to even take a bite, I'll throw it all into the sink in a couple minutes. I feel tired, still, lately I can't be awake for four hours without getting sleepy, It's annoying..... I hear the door opening, I get scared for a second but then I see it's Riley. 'Hi Lil!' Riley says smiling. I don't know why but I am feeling kind of shocked she's here, I don't even know what to say for a minute. 'H- hi Riley....' I say with effort. 'What're you doing here?' I ask her. 'Just wondering how you were.' She says casually. 'So how are you?' She then asks me. 'I- I am....fine...' I say while I try to carefully put my soup away. 'I was actually about to go to lay down.' I tell her. 'Okay....What are you watching?' She asks. 'Um...some cheesy sitcom, why?' I am a little confused why she was ignoring my statement about going to bed and kind of wanting her to go. 'We can watch that in bed can't we? Come on.' She says and goes to sit down on my bed, she pats on the bed where I need to lay. I silently go and lay down next to her, she sits up straight while I am just laying next to her, like it's no big deal.....