My self image

Chapter 25

'Morning Lil!' I hear someone say. I feel like I have a hangover, I can't remember what I did last night or where I am right now. I open my eyes and see the little white sink in front of me, great.... I'm still here....in the hospital.... I then see Riley. 'Oh uh....hi Riley good morning.' I say. 'My goodness have you always been such a sleeper? Since after dinner till now, um wow.' Riley grinnes. 'Oh my god.... I feel like I was drunk last night but what have we done yesterday?' I try to remember but I can only think of the dream I had, it really felt like I was six years old again, that in fact wasn't true of course. 'We just watched some tv, nothing special... Did you dream last night? I kind of had the feeling you did.' She says. 'No, I don't think so, I can't remember.' I said, but I remembered everything, it was like it was yesterday. 'Has my dad come back from home since yesterday?' I ask to Riley. 'Um, no he hasn't but the nurse came in a couple times.' She said while looking at the door, as if the nurse could walk in any second. I do feel dissapointed dad didn't come back, no, I am dissapointed in mom because she should've come home to take care of everything..... Of course she didn't do that...

Lunch time.... again... It's time for me to eat the disgusting soup again, I don't know how long I can take this anymore. This time I'm not by myself, a nurse is here. I look at her while she pours the soup from the pot into my bowl. I have never seen her before I believe, I always got nurse Annette who was already kind of old for this job, at least in my oppinion. 'There you go, a nice bowl of chicken soup.' The nurse says and looks at me. My face expression is probably a disgust face, obviously. 'Not a fan of soup are you?' She smiles. 'I used to be but this isn't eatable.' I say. 'Of course you think that, believe me you don't like any dish at the moment.' No dish?! I like a lot of dishes, at least I used to before I found out what food does. I start to gag the second that thought starts to pop up. I put the bowl away and start gagging even more. 'Oh no, no sweetie keep eating, you need to.' The nurse says. 'I can't don't you see it makes me sick.' Then she starts laughing, how could she? Can't she realise it makes me throw up. 'I know you think I'm wrong but your body totally resists against any food because your mind does too. That's why you're here.' She says. I know she's wrong but alright. 'Hey how about we go for walk you can take your soup with you.' She says and puts it in a bottle, she grabs another bottle herself. What is her point with this?

We're walking in the park nearby the hospital, as we're walking she starts asking me all these questions. 'So where did you grow up?' She asks me. 'Um right here in Raven, I always lived here, well alright when I was just born we lived in a different neighbourhood but it still was in Raven.' The nurse nods along as I told it. 'Maybe weird but do you have a name?' I ask her. 'Hahaha of course sorry I hadn't mentioned it before, I'm Mona.' Mona says and takes a sip out of her bottle, I can't help feeling me doing the same, the soup tastes differently outside, much better. 'Do you have siblings or maybe any step ones?' Mona asks me. 'Yeah ugh too many, I got six of them.' I look at Mona and she looks stunned. 'Woah, six! That must be a full house like always.' She says. 'Not really, I mean yeah but when everyone's at school, work and such then the house is just empty, my thursday ends at 1:00pm so then I'm home alone for one hour until Pellie and David come home from kindergarten, and dad from work of course.' I tell her. after we've chatted for a while we come back to the hospital I read the words: ¨recover clinic for eating disorder patients¨Weird.... I don't have a disorder except maybe eating too much so I get fat. I look at my soup bottle and see it's almost empty, how? When did I empty it?