SHADOW

Broken Hearts

I stared straight ahead at the empty road, blue eyes burning holes into the side of my face. It had been like this for almost the whole ride and I wasn't sure it would end. Neither of us had taken the initiative to speak first.

"I want to know what made you so tense at the lounge."

I kept my eyes forward. My dilemma was still the same. How could I tell her that I saw someone from my past and I hated to see her with someone else even with Athena wrapped around me.

"Why won't you open up to me?" she asked quietly, resting her elbow on the side of the car door.

"The truth hurts, and I don't want to hurt you."

"So you're a liar then."

I braked hard in the middle of the road, turning to look at her my eyes hard as ice. "Watch your mouth. Don't call me a fucking liar."

I was many things, but a liar was not one of them.

She held my eyes defiantly, her turquoise ones picking through my facial expression to see if she could extract anything. I turned my face away because I was afraid that maybe she could. I knew her intuition was good when it needed to be.

"Are you not?" she continued. "Is this because of her??"

I pressed the accelerator again, tightening my grip on the steering wheel. "Her?"

She sighed, "I know she was there Robyn. I just- I wanna know what she means to you."

I veered off on to the dirt road that led inland.

"You care about her?" she asked when it was clear I wasn't going to answer her.

"I do."

"Did you love her?"

"I could've," I answered honestly. "But no, I did not."

She shook her head, resting her head back against the seat rest.

"Why do you feel the need to lie to me?" she asked as we approached my house.

I stayed quiet as I pushed the button on the remote clipped to my car's visor and opened my garage, pulling in slowly. I killed the engine and stepped out, plugging my car into it's charging port. She followed closely behind me as I entered the house.

"Why won't you answer me?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly. I turned to face her, cocking my head. Her voice echoed somberly through the foyer.

I didn't know why this conversation warranted this much emotion. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol in her system making her ask all of these invasive questions, but I wasn't prepared for this interrogation at all and I wasn't sure how to steer the conversation in my favor.

"Why does it matter to you, Athena?? Why does she matter to you??"

"Why are you here with me?"

"She didn't want me!" " She couldn't handle something I can't change."

"I'm a rebound then..."

"You were."

She nodded, her head falling a little. I hated that I felt bad for expressing the truth, but that insecurity that I felt rolling off of her was enough for me to make promises to her that I knew I could never keep.

"The way she looked at you didn't seem like she didn't want you anymore..."

I shook my head, taking a small step toward her, tipping her chin up so I could see her eyes. I liked to know what she was thinking and when I couldn't see her eyes, I didn't. "It doesn't matter if she wants me now or not. She still. can't .handle me."

Athena shook my hand away, taking a step away from me, her bottom lip trembling. "Robyn- I-I can't. I just- I love you and I don't want to be hurt. I see it. You're gonna leave me for her. You're gonna hurt me. Save me the tears."

I didn't know what to say because everything she said would eventually come true. It was only a matter of time, but I was selfish, and I didn't want to let her go.

I couldn't let her go, at least not now.

"I've chosen you over her before. That day you were upset that I hadn't planned on seeing you after I dropped you off at work, she called me when I was at home and told me she loved me...told me to come see her. And you called me right after and asked me to come see you. I chose to come see you..."

"That doesn't mean anything," she said stubbornly. "You couldn't even keep your eyes off of her...not even with me all over you. I see right through you."

I took off my hat and ran a frustrated hand through my hair before situating it back on my head. "Look at me...now."

She reluctantly raised her head, her turquoise eyes bluer than I'd ever seen them because they were glazed with unshed tears that were ready to fall.

"You want my honesty?"

She nodded hesitantly.

I took her hand and led her to my bedroom, closing the door behind the both of us. She sat down on my bed.

I paced in front of her, unsure of how to be transparent. This was new to me. I hadn't been in a situation where I had to explain myself like this and yet here I was, ready to tell Athena what she wanted.

I finally stopped moving and turned to face the younger girl, my face softening as soon as I let my eyes sweep across her face. I knelt in front of her, holding both of her hands, letting my thumb stroke over the top of her hands absentmindedly.

"Athena..."

"I haven't felt the way I felt about the other girl for anyone in a long time. I gained a little bit of my humanity back being with her. I had thrown a key away to a certain part of me for a long time and somehow she opened it up and if I'm being honest if she hadn't there would be no way I could be sitting here with you telling you these things or even being able to give you a quarter of what I give you."

She listened to me intently as I continued.

"She didn't want me and that hurt me. I don't know why but it hurt me. I found you after. You were only meant to be something superficial and temporary, but here I am providing you with shit I didn't know I was capable of. I care about you, more than I'd even like to admit to myself, so don't for one fucking second accuse me of not, alright."

It was quiet for a second.

I watched her as she soaked in everything I said.

After a few more seconds of silence between both of us, I rose up slightly and palmed one side of her face, kissing her hard.

I was completely screwed.

Two women served me with completely different things, but I was addicted to both feelings. How had I let myself stumble like this?

I hated this. I was powerless.

"You believe me," I said softly, pulling away.

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A/N: Happy Taurus season even though I'd rather skip it and get straight the the most elite Gemini szn. Any Taurus' here?

1) Who do you guys like better, Athena or Jayde? And why?

2) Who do y'all prefer for Robyn and why?