SHADOW

The Beginning of the End

I had reached that fork in the road.

I always imagined myself as being able to make decisions when the time came to make them, but here I was at a complete stand still with my eyes focused on both paths.

The longer I waited the harder it became. I was falling deeper and deeper into a pit that at some point I knew I wouldn't be able to escape from.

What would become of me after that crucial moment? I'm not sure, but I knew the outcome would not be what I wanted.

I was in love with two women...very, very deeply in love; so in love that I wondered about the attachments I had with other women after Sol died.

Did they even exist or were they just that: attachments.

I had been gone for at least 7 days, I wasn't even sure anymore; days had begun to blend together.

I was away from both of them to think without distractions, but it seemed that my mind was only capable of thinking of them. I missed Athena the most, probably because I had spent so much time with her.

Texts and calls had poured into my phone from her, but all I could manage was a vague explanation as to why I hadn't been present. I felt bad, but I needed this, even if it was for a little while.

Jayde's contact with me had been sparse, but I knew she missed me. Her ego just wouldn't let her admit it to me.

This choice had been suffocating me. I didn't need to breathe, but every time I thought about them both, I felt like I couldn't; it felt like my chest was caving in.

I looked out my window at the scraggly trees that had shed all their leaves for the winter.

It looked drab outside. The sun showed no signs of making an appearance today.

It was comforting to know that the world mirrored me at this present moment.

I had barely ventured out of my house in the past few days and I knew if I didn't leave soon I'd garner attention from someone i didn't need to see.

He would show up on my doorstep unannounced. We were connected and when things felt astray for too long, he always came looking for me. I loved Vlad, but he's not what I needed right now.

I needed both of my women. It was wrong to think that way, but I needed both of them in that moment.

Sometimes I wished there was some way to blend both of them together so I wouldn't have to choose, but I knew it wouldn't be the same.

Losing Athena's eyes in a mix of them both would be cruel in itself. I had fallen in love with those eyes; the natural wax and wane of the color that changed from light to dark as the day bled away.

I stood from my bed and grabbed my phone before walking slowly out of my room and down the stairs. It felt colder than I remembered, but that could be the fact that the one person providing warmth in the house was gone; not by her own will, but by mine.

My phone buzzed in my hand incessantly. It wasn't Jayde, I knew that much. I sent the call straight to voicemail. It buzzed a few seconds later with another incoming call.

I stared at the screen for a moment , playing out all the possible ways our conversation could play out. I knew the longer I postponed this conversation, the worse the final outcome would be, but I was afraid to face her— afraid of what she would say.

In a final decision I picked it up before it could stop ringing. "Hello?"

She sighed out in relief. "Robyn."