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Chapter 9

*Listen to Be Alright by Dean Lewis while reading this chapter*

The day of Jonghyun's memorial service is here. I don't want to do this. I have to say goodbye to my best friend today and I'm not ready to do that. I don't think I will ever be ready for that moment. Saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I have ever done.

We are in the process of making our song for Jonghyun. I'm pretty happy on how its turning out. I know he would be proud of all of us for doing this. He would never want our group to separate because of him. He loved us too much for that to happen.

The morning of the memorial I get up and slowly get ready for it. I'm dreading everything about today and I'm not ready for it. I pick out a simple black dress from my closet and put it on. I look at myself in the mirror and sigh. I shouldn't be doing this.

"I shouldn't be saying goodbye to you." I say out loud. A lump slowly forms in my throat. Jonghyun would normally be next to me at a time like this. We were always together and now I'm standing here alone. Nobody is next to me now and I'm quickly starting to feel lonely. I never knew the feeling of loneliness when I was with Jonghyun. I look over at my empty bed and the lump in my throat comes back quickly.

"I need to get out of here." I tell myself as I grab my things and head for my apartment door. I walk out into the hall and walk towards the front doors. As I come closer I see Taemin standing in front of the doors. He turns to me when I get closer.

When I get up to him, Taemin links his arm with mine. Before we walk out the doors, he leans down slightly and kisses the top of my head softly. I glance up at him before we start walking out the doors.

There is a car waiting for us outside. Taemin opens the back door for me and I get inside. He follows me in and the driver takes off. Nobody talks and its nice to just sit in silence. Taemin turns to me slightly and offers me his hand. I look at it then lay my hand in his. He squeezes it and thats how we sit for the rest of the drive there.

Taemin helps me out of the car and keeps my hand in his as we stand in front of the building. There is a crowd of fans outside who will be crying mourning with us today. They all see Taemin and I walk up to the building, but there is not a sound from them. They all have their heads bowed. Seeing them all like this has the lump in my throat back. They are being so calm and respectful for us today and I couldn't thank them enough for that.

We walk inside the building and I let go of Taemin's hand. We follow people in front of us down a short hallway. There are tons of flowers surrounding the doorway for the memorial. I spot Minho standing outside the door greeting people. I take a deep breath. I guess this is it.

Taemin and I are about to go into the room when Minho puts his arm out in front of me. He looks down at me.

"Taemin go ahead. Tabby, you can wait to go inside." He tells me. I look up at him and frown. I'm not in the mood for this today.

"Let me inside." I tell him. He shakes his head.

"You will make a scene in there." He says. I can't believe what I'm hearing and I glance at Taemin.

"A scene? My best friend is dead!" I say, trying not to raise my voice. Minho suddenly steps away from the door and grabs my arm.

"You know what? You're the reason why he's dead!" He says loudly. People are turning to look at us.

"What did you just say to me?" I ask him.

"Minho!" Taemin sounds shocked and angry that he would even say something like that. Minho leans closer to me and points his finger at me.

"If you were his best friend he would still be here." As soon as these words come out of his mouth, my hand is slapping his cheek.

"You're an asshole. Why did I ever like you." I mutter as tears of every emotion start rolling down my cheeks. I turn away from Minho and join Taemin at the door. Jonghyun give me strength for dealing with all of this.

I walk into the room and my eyes instantly look at the place where Jonghyun's ashes are. I slowly walk up to them and I reach my hand out. As soon I touch them my legs give under me and I sit on the floor with my hands on his urn. I bow my head as I start crying really hard.

"Jonghyun.." I whisper. Oh god how am I going to do this without him. He was my everything and he gave me the strength to do anything.

"Jonghyun, I hope you are happy where you are and I hope you will always look after me. I hope I can do all of this without you now. I love you forever and always my friend." As I whisper the last part I look up and warmth comes over me. I did it. I said my goodbye to my best friend. I feel way better than I have been feeling. Jonghyun will always be beside me. I smile softly and stand up.

I bring my fingers to my lips and kiss them. I touch my fingers to his urn and my eyes find his picture beside it. I find myself smiling.

"There's your smiling face." I say softly as I look at his picture. I look over and find Taemin.

"Can we please go home Taemin?" I ask him. He nods.

"Of course." I follow him out into the hall. Minho is still out here and I glance at him when we pass by him.

"Tabby.." I hear him say my name behind me. I turn my head slightly.

"Don't talk to me." I reply and leave with Taemin.