Hidden thoughts

Chapter 6

After my encounter with Hux I was left feeling unsettled, he knew, knew it all.  The only thing he didn't know was how he had warned Rey and the resistance.  As long as he didn't find out about their ability to connect through the force then both he and Rey should be safe. 

I had a droid bring me my supper and then after eating I stripped down to black boxer shorts and climbed into my bed and closing my eyes, the beginnings of a headache throbbing at my temples.  I thought about Rey, wondered where she was and what she was doing.  I thought about the fact that she was with my mother and how ironic it seemed that the only two people that I cared about in this universe were somewhere together, looking out for each other.  I wondered if Rey had told anyone in the resistance that I had helped them.  I turned on my side and stared at the clock, would Rey be sleeping I wondered.  Stop it, I commanded my self in my head, I needed to sleep. 

I was awoken the next morning by something soft stroking my bare arm. I jumped, my eyes flying open, my hand reaching up instinctively to the movement on my arm.  A hand was there.  I turned over quickly and found Rey sat on the edge of my bed, her fingers now holding mine.  I looked up at her for a moment unsure of what to say.  My heart was thumping. "Sorry to wake you" she said gently pulling her hand away from mine and resting it in her lap.  I pushed myself up and into a sitting position, seeing her blush as as noticed my bare chest, "Are you ok?" I asked, desperately trying to slow my racing heart.  She nodded, "Fine, I just wanted to make sure that you were, you know, after us not being there and everything", I nodded, "It was fine, although General Hux is suspicious.  He knows I killed Snoke." Rey nodded slowly, "And he knows why I did it" I added quietly.  Rey's eyes shot up to meet mine and it was my turn to blush, she was so beautiful.  "Ben, I'm sorry about the throne room.  I should have spoken to you more, tried to explain my choice to you, my position in all of this", I leant back against the headboard slightly taken aback by her apology and then I shook my head, messy dark strands falling around my eyes, "You don't have to apologise Rey, I know conflict exists in you as it does in me.  You were never going to be able to just walk away from the resistance. Especially not for me".  I stared down at my hands flexing them and then balling them into fists.  Suddenly Rey's hand was gripping one of mine.  Her skin was like silk and a bolt, almost like electricity shot through my body, making me catch my breath in my throat, "Ben there is no one else from the First Order that I would have even considered being with, but I did consider being with you.  Ben I know you are a good person" I shifted slightly and then looked in her eyes, there were so many things that I wished I could say to her, "Did you tell anyone that I warned you about our attack?", Rey shook her head, "No, I just said I had felt a warning of imminent danger through the force, which is not a complete lie.  But Leia, your mother Ben, she knows, I'm certain of it".  At the mention of my mother I dropped my eyes to look at our hands entwined, hers were so small, "Does she talk about me often?" I asked, keeping my eyes down, afraid to hear the answer.  Rey squeezed my hand, "Ben she talks about you all of the time, and when she's not talking about you I can tell she's thinking of you".  I raised my eyes to look at Rey, she was smiling softly at me, "Ben, she loves you, she has forgiven everything.  You are still her son".  A lump rose in my throat and I felt the hot sting of tears in my eyes.  Embarrassed I went to pull my hand away but Rey gripped it tighter, "Its ok Ben.  You can show your emotions to me, it's just us now" she whispered, reminding me of our fight in the forest again.  When I still didn't look at her she gently pushed my chin up and as she did so the first tear rolled down my cheek.  She wiped it away with her thumb as she did the next tear and the one after that, "I'm lost Rey.  I don't belong anywhere" I said, my voice breaking as the tears continued to fall.  Rey took my face in her hands then, her soft palms on my damp cheeks, "Ben, you belong with the people who care about you, your mother, and me" and then she carried on wiping my tears away, her hands eventually moving to my tangled hair, her fingers working through it.  Suddenly she sat upright,her eyes wide, "Ben I have to go, Finn's coming, remember though you are not alone", "Neither are you" I whispered as she faded away.